Such A Random World We Live In
by Ivystormrandomness
Summary: Note: slightly weird and random... read at your own risk. Rated T because people will sue me if the word "blood" appears and yet it is rated K. WARNING: Horrible shippings, so bad it's called HORROR. *points to genre* Example of ship: ASPENFUR /ASPENBOBATEA Technically, no, there is a whole love pentagon. The cover image is the sky and words. Um... anything else?
1. StarClan, I Am So Random!

**Hi guys :D This is Ivystormrandomness having decided to write something. So la, here it is!**

CHAPTER ONE: StarClan

StarClan. You expect it to be what? All sunshine and rainbows and lollypops and glittery stars?

Wrong.

For one, it is STARCLAN and all its inhabitants are stars anyways.

For two, if Hollyleaf and Ashfur are ever in the same room, expect unpleasant scenes.

Unfortunately, they are now in the same clan.

Non-existent reader, I suggest you get some popcorn. This will be a lot of fun… :D

ONE DAY

It was not a dark and stormy night. It was, instead, a bright and starry morning. Or as morningy as StarClan can get. A day rather more tranquil for StarClan. STARCLANNY.

Unfortunately, good things never last. Hollyleaf, the typical early riser (by that I mean 9 am early) padded out of Random Bush Number Twenty-Three, only to be met with an unwelcome sight.

What could it be?

Well, obviously, Ashfur doing jumping jacks! What else could it be? (Model answer: Beancurd nomming my jelly!)

Ashfur gasped as he scented the odor of Hollyleaf. Eau de Hollyleaf. He was unimpressed, to say the least, and tackled her with the force of around five rugby players simultaneously pouncing on me every week. "HOLLYLEAF! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! I WOULD TACKLE SQUIRRELFLIGHT, BUT SHE'S STILL ALIVE! SO I CHOOSE YOU!"

Hollyleaf groaned. _This again?! This happened, let's see, 5 times this week! AND IT'S WEDNESDAY!_

She pulled out some random twig or branch. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" she howled, to no avail.

#thisisnotharrypotter

Ashfur rolled his eyes with a look of utmost scorn and was about to pulverize Hollyleaf when a random Thornclaw appeared out of nowhere (seeing as he's still alive) and dragged him off to discuss football.

Hollyleaf was annoyed. She had paid at least 5 mice for that twig / branch. And the obviously she-cat with flowing blond hair had promised that the twig would work because of its magic lines…

Wait. Blond hair? As in…

"ASHFURRRRRR!" froared Hollyleaf, (yes, froared.) pouncing on the tom in question. "MY FIVE MICE!"

"Sor-ee, no refunds," monotoned Ashfur. "Can't you see we're discussing Liverpool?"

Hollyleaf snapped the twig in half. A yowl came from below. Hollyleaf leapt on Ashfur, overshot and…

"HOLLYLEAF!" howled a dozing Yellowfang. "RESPECT YOUR ELDERS AND BETTERS!"

**And that is how it all ended. This is short, I know, but live with it, guys! I'll make longer and more serious chapters soooooon!**

**-Ivystorm**


	2. Pi equals RiverClan point 14something

**Hello, random people! Ivystormrandomness has returned. (what do you think?) and I've decided what to do with my life. UNSERIOUS CHAPTERS FOR EVERYONE! (Unless I get a good inspiration for a serious one… aka never)**

**REPLIES TO REVIEWS**

**I GOT THREE!**

**Spongekit36:**

**Yes! My friends or not exactly friends but people in my ECAs keep ranting about Liverpool when we are texting… ….. And I have 2 teachers who are Liverpool fans. (On the subject of Liverpool, when I told my friend I ship Mothpool my friend said "Mothballs and Liverpool?" Me: *kills*) **

**BLOND HAIR FOREVER**

**I woke up at 8 this morning :D**

**Lionstorm and Friends:**

**Glad you love it! :DDDDDD**

**Starkpuffin:**

**He probably is! My cousin is but I'm not that much of one…**

**Oof, let's do the chapter!**

Chapter Two… The Fresh-kill Pie!

Many of you have heard of the fresh-kill pile_. _But what about the fresh-kill _pie? _

Ok, you have. Then congratulations! You read Crookedstar's Promise. May I also assume you pre-order all the books the moment they are said to exist? (Me: WAIT THE SILENT THAW ALREADY GOT PUBLISHED?!) Oof.

So how did the fresh-kill pie come into existence? One word: Crookedstar.

One frosty leafbare, Crookedstar was pacing impatiently in his den, waiting for his deputy (Timberfur, apparently, but I had no idea he existed until now) to appear and talk to him about not giving kits weird names like "Rockteller" or "Stargleam" if he ever became leader.

Timberfur appeared.

"Finallyyyyyy!" screeched Crookedstar, like I did when I got reviews at around 1am. "I-"

Timberfur took a loud and obnoxious chomp of his very frozen fish.

"-AM TALKING, TIMBERFUR! KEEP YOUR FROZEN FISH TO YOURSELF AND SHUT UP!"

Timberfur chowed down on the frozen fish.

"GET OUT!" froared Crookedstar.

Timberfur ran for his life with his fish.

Crookedstar was irritated, and it was only a hop, skip and jump to being extremely, extremely, extremely annoyed. And he didn't like that because it gave him jaw-ache! So he thought, and thought, and thought for maybe as long as it takes me to do 1 question in math (which is about 1717717 hours) and right before everyone starved to death, he got an idea.

He grabbed all his fresh-kill. He snuck into an elderly Twoleg's house. He dumped all the fresh-kill into a shiny shell (bowl) and also some weird powder just in case. Then he tossed it into a hot box. (oven)

"Ding!" the box dinged. He grabbed the pie-like item and ran.

An elderly Twoleg tried to grab him and hug him. "owo tiny kitten!"

"IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU, STRANGER PLAYING WITH MY HOUSEFOLKS' OVEN. NOW RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" howled the random kittypet named uwu. (I agree, wOnDeRfUl name.)

Crookedstar charged into RiverClan camp and tossed everyone a bit of pie. Everyone nommed pie.

But pie never lasts long…

"TIMBERFUR! GO AND MAKE PIE!"

"3.1415… something?"

**The end… how did you like it? I'm going to do this unoriginal thing that people do: Question Of The Chapter. **

**So today's QOTC is… Are you in the same Hogwarts house as the corresponding Clan? (ThunderClan is Gryffindor, obviously, ShadowClan is Slytherin, also obviously, SkyClan I think is Hufflepuff and WindClan and RiverClan together are Ravenclaw!)**

**Well, I'm Hufflepuff and ShadowClan and District 2, so… no? But I got Hufflepuff 4 years ago… I can change! (Hopefully.)**


	3. A Glimpse Into Ivystorm's Insane Mind

**HellooOooO! I'm back! And I try to update twice a week, but that's virtually impossible. This one was written right after Chapter Two, but it'll be published on the 5th (my time) so… no reviews, I daresay… I'll reply in Chapter 4!**

**Ok, and people, don't waste your time here, go check out other stories too! Some people have more than 3 chapters and no reviews. They deserve reviews too :)!**

**But here is your well-deserved chapter! It's about my own random thoughts… and maybe a bit of ASHFUR GO AWAY!**

Chapter Three: Ivystorm **(me!) **Loses Her Non-Existent Sanity

Ivystorm was drained. Why? There were at least four reasons. One, math homework. Two, history homework. Three, geography homework. Four, science homework. Five, five.

She _planned _to sit down and relax and read a Warriors book. Namely Sunrise. It used to be her favourite book before CFT existed.

But bad things happened.

Ashfur was there to greet her on page four or something. Right smack on Chapter One. Fortunatelly, he was in the land of sunshine and rainbows and lollypops and glittery stars.

She flipped away in disgust. She didn't want to read about Ashfur without blond hair. Ashfur was ugly and disgusting. Ashfur, um… Oof. She shipped Ash x Squirrel. She could not complain. And one of her favorite fanfics was about Ashfur.

She continued to flip and complain.

BUT LO AND BEHOLD!

ASHFUR! IN THE LAND OF SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS AND GLITTERY STARS!

Shoot. Ivystorm facepawed and flipppppppped. Three hundred flips later, Ashfur was not there anymore.

That was because the book was over.

Ivystorm exploded with exasperation and opened instead Fading Echoes. Unfortunately, she knew it by heart and she soon got sick of the voice in her head going faster than her reading speed.

So she opened Enter The Clans. And Smokefoot waved hello.

"WHAT THE DARK FOREST! SMOKEFOOT WAS LONG DEAD AND ARRIVED AT NO NEW TERRITORY!" she froared.

And Firestar's Quest was just too boring and pointless to read.

Ivystorm was ready to kill.

So she planned to write a new chapter!

"I HAVE NO INSPIRATION!" she screeched.

**QOTC: What is your favourite Warriors book? Mine is Crowfeather's Trial (CFT). And what's your least favourite? Probably either Thunder and Shadow or Moonrise…**

**Do not worry! This will be one of the two and only chapters about me. Others will be about canon cats… or OCs. Whose OCs? Well… it depends if you people are nice! My rule is one OC per person! (Everyone: *makes 100 accounts to flood me with OCs*)**


	4. Gas Lighters Galore!

**Me: doing this when discussing a project**

**Um. Um. I had an idea this morning… BUT THE PEOPLE BEHIND ME ARE BLARING HORRIBLE MUSIC, I FROARED.**

**Repliesssssssssssss…**

**First, I got these at 3am :P**

**Second...**

**REPLIES! (repLIES :D)**

**Londonvetgirl25: I SHALL USE IT! Froared is when you're irritated and annoyed and downright mad and roar. :) (aka me everyday)**

**Spongekit36: Ravenclaw? Smart… Wait what kits and what graves?! That is so creepy XD I like Crookedstar's promise too, I fresh-kill pied! I'm ok with Rising Storm… but Yellowfang's Secret….. spoiler: there is no secret until Chapter 19 or something. Outcast was the second Warriors book I read! The only thing that made an impression on me was that I was eating udon noodles while reading and also Cloud With Storm In Belly. And Hollypaw worrying about fighting her ShadowClan kin. P.S. I am using Giraffepaw! But not this chapter. This chapter was inspired by looking into the game There Is No Game! (The ending)**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: RANDOMNESSSSSSS :DDDDD. Apparently I am SkyClan too! :( You are the opposite of Spongekit36! I love drawing comics! But I have never read any of the mangas because there are none in the school library.**

**Lionstorm and Friends: Ah, Moth Flight's Vision. I used it as a pillow? :P Sure! Throw me your OC and I will catch them!**

**Starkpuffin: Isn't WindClan Ravenclaw? ;D I didn't read The Apprentice's Quest! Oops! Nor did I read Raging Storm but I heard it's no good. Not good at all.**

**CHAPTER BEGINS NOW!**

Chapter Four, I think: BURNNNNN (Long Shadows Parody. Duh…)

There was a tall and mighty cliff in ThunderClan. Four idots, Squirrelflight, Jayfeather, Hollyleaf and Lionblaze climbed that very cliff to hide from the lightning. Which makes no sense at all because everyone tells you to stay away from high places during storms! Which is also why I hate heights.

Unfortunatelly, guess who was there with a lighter!

Um, no, not me. I have pyrophobia and I hate Bunsen burners.

Ok, yes, Ashfur. Who doesn't have pyrophobia. And at that moment, HE SET THE CLIFF ABLAZE!

(ALIONBLAZE!)

Hollyleaf, who had pyrophobia, ran. Faster than Crowfeather. And Ashfur beamed his evil beam and evil laughed, "Now, Squirrelflight, I know you're lying to me. You have one final chance to tell me… WHERE IS MY CAKE?!"

Squirrelflight was flabbergasted. Hollyleaf was flabbergasted from a long distance. Jayfeather was even more flabbergasted. Lionblaze was flabbergasted as well.

And Ashfur was seething. "YOU TRAITOR! YOU ATE MY CAKE! I WILL GET IT BACK EVEN IF IT COSTS MY LIFE! OH, DESPAIR! OH, WOE, OH, MISERY! OH, CHRISTMAS TREE!" he froared to the off-key, off-rhythm and ear-splitting tune of the Queen Of The Night Aria.

"?!" said Squirrelflight, killing. "I gave it to John!"

"Who is John?" asked everyone.

"Ok, so he doesn't exist! But I have one thing to tell all of you. THE CAKE IS A LIE."

The fire fizzled out.

**Short chapter! Because I like short chapters. Ok, so this was mainly "catch up on reviews." Today I actually saw someone eating a birthday cake :( sad… Lol not rly. ! **

**UPDATE SCHEDULE**

**Around 3 times a week? If exams then either no times a week or 1 time. (Exams: Beginning of December FROAR) I'll probably update on Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday or something. Today is an exception because I have classes til night and dark on Mondays and Fridays, I assassinated.**


	5. HELP ME WITH CONCUSSION!

**Hello and welcome to Narnia! No, not really. Anyways, REPLIES! (:D)**

**Watermist of WindClan: OOOOF our exams are in 10 years. Anyways, by "I am" I meant middle school. I'm not exactly in seventh grade, though… XD**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Good! I never plan to read them. I draw stickman comics! I parody stuff with it XD Thanks! **

**Tigercry: OOOOH YOU CAME FINALLYYYYYYY! I'm Hufflepuff too :DDDD Don't worry, I'm ShadowClan too! (And I am my self-insert) Noop, you're not that evil… I'd definitely get a heart attack of joy! But you can start a story for randomness! :P Collab? Yessss! But PM me :).**

**RobinLudgate: YASSS SOCIOPATH! Well, I can always scrap stories… not this one though…**

**Duskspiral: ooof I am a huge coward… I know one person only who reads Warriors in my school :(**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Warriors, bad things would happen…**

Chapter 5: Bad Things

**I apparently own Warriors just for this chapter! Just so I can ruin the entire plot… Oof! This is what would happen if the cats read Warriors. So yes, they can read?...?!**

Ivystorm grinned manically as she planted random copies of Long Shadows everywhere where Leafpool, Ashfur and Squirrelflight could find them. "This will be fun," she muttered to herself, evil laughing.

The next morning, no one whatsoever noticed anything until sunhigh and Ashfur sat on a hard, rectangular object. It was not my iPad, for once (you have no idea… *crunching noises*). It was a copy of… hmm. What book?

Wait, what? Not this story! (I wish.)

"My wig?" wondered Ashfur, picking it up.

It was Long Shadows.

Meanwhile, in the medicine den, Leafpool was shrieking and sobbing. "WHY?! WHY?! I HATE CROWFEATHER!"

And Squirrelflight had destroyed the book in her fury.

Leafpool could not, absolutely could not control herself. She tossed the book…

Meanwhile…

In NarniaClan, Ivystorm was watching a hyper Giraffepaw take Tigerwish for rides on her back while eating a leaf-flavoured cupcake. Then a book fell from the sky and

BONKKKKKKKK!

Giraffepaw had to stay in the medicine den for a week after that.

And meanwhile, Squirrelflight moved to SkyClan to escape from toms.

**Get used to short chapters!**

**QOTC: Have you read ALL the books? (no, FROAR! curse the library!) **

**Challenge: Give me the craziest thing you have ever heard said aloud!**

**BAIIIIIIIII!**


	6. bramblekit

**Hey peeps, sorry for the fox-dungy chapter 5 :P… Anyways! REPLIES!**

**RobinLudgate: I will burn Lionblaze! I love TNP hehe… :D l have read none after Shattered Sky, none of DoTC, none of TBC, one chapter of Forest Of secrets, none of Cats of the Clans, none of Starlight and half of The Fourth Apprentice. And then no mangas. I've read everything else! I think. P.S. My copy of Fading Echoes is so very tattered and worn because I read it too much.**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: *is chinese***

**The next time they say that, reply, "A Chinese person sends you her best regards and wishes to inform you that the Great Wall Of China was not built using dog food but with bricks. China also does not produce great pieces of dog food. Hope that cleared up the misunderstanding!" **

Chapter Six: Foxdungggggggg

All was well in ThunderClan.

And then all was not well! Because… Bramblestar.

He stood on the ledge (precariously) and screeched an almighty "WOULD ALL CATS!"

Just that. He looked down at the script (written by yours truly) and ripped it into shreds. "WHO WROTE THIS FOXDUNG- IVYSTORM!"

"Anyways! Ivystorm! Is! Now! Banned! From! ThunderClan!" he yowled.

But plot twist! Leafpool came back from retrieving her book from NarniaClan.

"Get it (leafpool) out of here!" froared Jayfeather.

"YOUR MOTHER IS NOT AN OBJECT!" bellowed our teacher (a tribute to her!).

Oof.

Ivystorm flew over to ThunderClan. Whitewing let her in just how she let a certain WindClan cat in. (No complaining!)

She squealed with happiness when she saw her new bestie. Leafpool.

"L—!"

Bramblestar destroyed her sentence. "You. Are. Cancelled!"

"Wdym?" asked the entirety of a particular person's contacts.

"YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!" yowled he, fangirl style (high pitched, insane shrieking).

*crashing noises* "GIRAFFEPAW TO THE RESCUE!" crashed Giraffepaw.

"thunderclanattacc" Brambleflaw (me:*degrades him day by day*) barked.

Nobody cared.

Bramblepaw howled in fury and anguish like my iPad in RE class… whoops. Giraffepaw pressed the mute button which no one except her could press because it was a neck button. Cats… don't have necks?

Giraffepaw evolved into Giraffeleaf.

All was well. Leafpool my bae (not exactly) continued to live in ThunderClan. Ivystorm continued to be extremely random. Giraffeleaf continued to eat leaves. Dewlight (a friend of mine) continued to not read WHSS. (FROAR) Warriors MAPs continued to be made. My throat continued hurting. Tigerwish continued trying to grow longer legs. Tiger_cry_ continued to delete chapters from WHSS. (!) Mintpaw (my non-Dewlight friend's OC) continued to have half-Clan relationships.

And Ashfur continued to buy wigs!

**I am going! BTW the "You. Are. Cancelled." was something someone actually said and our teacher actually said "****你的媽媽不是事物****!" **

**FOTC (fact of the chapter): This was called Foxdungggggg because I wanted to call Bramblekit that. I didn't want to insult any foxes, though...**


	7. My first and only serious

**Hey! :D Finally returned! Anyways, enjoy!**

**Oh wait.**

**Replies:**

**Azrakatz: Hello! Hmm… I like Night Whispers for the Flametail PoV :P I like TNP! It's my fave arc (don't ask). m. Your OC seems a lot like me.**

**Spongekit36: XD! Let me teach you KD (literally means the same) Oof Sign was really boring. Butters? Like… Butter Mom? Wiw, that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more "a"s than me.**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: No, they wouldn't. Oh, no… well not yet anyway XD**

**RobinLudgate: "WOULD ALL CATS!" oof that's a lot.**

**I FOUND A FELLOW WARRIORS FAN IN MY SCHOOL! I AM SO HAPPY! **

**How I found out: Blixemi (v. v. long story… related to fanart, Blixemi, the length of a cat equals 3 humans, the height of a man is x)**

**Anyways, you deserve a chapter.**

Chapter Seve- Six? Seven: Potential Warrior names

One day, Ivystorm was scrolling through Warriors forums or whatever. Yes, that one about how "Garfield" could be a warrior name. (according to minkstooth). (Which actually a friend sent her but yeah whatevs.)

Ivystorm was touched. And inspired. And so very hyper.

Therefore, a list was made.

POTENTIAL NAMES:

Mountaindew (by mallownose, on forum)

Smokeweed (also mallownose)

Marshmallow (meeeee!)

Swallowherb (That's Brambleberry)

Watermelon (the friend/ I may ask her her warrior name)

Chickenwing (the friend)

Foxheart (canon cat lolololol)

Nofur (me: *realizing it is possible*

Onefoot

Fivepaw (if one is allowed, why not five?)

Budlight

And Ivystorm gave up after 11 because… she was very, very lazy.

Then Ivystorm wondered… would everyone die of horror if she made a serious chapter for once? She decided maybe killing could be very creative and fun (wait what did I just write). Therefore, she typed a random story that came to mind at 10pm like all her inspirations did. (Skip if you would die)

**Yes! I'm doing the most cliche plot ever! Inspired by our RE teacher's forever talk about evil spirits. Read on to see…**

"STARCLAN- oh wait not StarClan. DEWLIGHT DO YOU MIND AVENGING MY DEATH… NOW?!" froared a ginger tabby she-cat **(my OC! and so is Dewlight) **in fury.

Dewlight took a step back from her mother, also known as the evil spirit of her mother, also known as Flamespark, her mother, also known as the cat who wanted her to kill her own mate. "N...no..? He's my mate… I… i…"

She questioned herself: _would _she kill her own mate, who had also been one of her best friends since kithood to avenge her OWN MOTHER'S DEATH?!

She could… and live with the guilt that she kilked her own mate and _Clan_mate.

She could _not_… and risk her mother hating her.

But Flamespark was evil. Right?

Evil, yes, but still… her mother.

_Am I meant to kill him? Am I meant to kill Aspenfoot- my mate and best friend?_

_What am I meant to do?_

Flamespark's voice brought her back to her senses. "He's unconsious. Kill him now- he killed me, after all."

"But that was before I knew! I can't…"

"You know who I am now. YOUR STARCLAN-FORSAKEN (wait) MOTHER. ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING HIM- THAT MANGEPELT OF A TOM- ABOVE ME?! ESPECIALLY AS HE KILLED ME!" howled Flamespark, prodding the brown fur of Aspenfoot.

"I…" Dewlight was at a loss of words.

Should she? She could. She could do it. She could kill. She could…

But no. She wouldn't.

Or would she?

"I… w- will," she stammered. She braced herself. She unsheathed her claws. She crouched down, ready to pounce…

She leapt, claws outstretched, forward, propelled by fear and hatred and rage.

Her claws sank into the ginger fur of her enraged mother's spirit (which is apparently allowed), Flamespark's eyes glinting amber with horror and fury…

And then Flamespark was gone, dead, faded.

**Oof, there we go. :D**

**haha awkward…**

**that was bad...**


	8. give me thunder

**Oooof hey people! New name on list!**

**12\. Starbucks (buck= male deer according to the person)**

**Anyways! Two replies this time *watches as reviewers flee the scene*!**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: *gives tissue* This is why you have to force your friends to read Warriors! Mwahahaha :D**

**RobinLudgate: RIP Flamespark.. Ch7 - Ch7 :|**

**Anyways, after the saga of reviewers fleeing in light of Chapter 7, no more serious. Or will there be any more? :DDDDDD**

Chapter Eight: Kill Me, Kill Me Now!

You know those times when someone's singing this totally obnoxious and outdated song in your ear and you want to jump off a building? Also known as the feelings of the person who sits in front of the person next to me in English class?

Yes? Good!

Because that's how Hollyleaf feels! Right now! Except the song isn't Ra(c)k Off Normie or Baby Shark. This time it's Thunderstar's Froar. (Copyright: Ivystorm)

Ok, you want to know what it sounds like?

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

And repeat 1000000000017177171547700675421445786790975715356476877081342478074256700899962179 times. In an extremely shrill and hyper voice.

Got the picture yet?

No?

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

Now you have.

If you haven't, simply put, she wanted to kill.

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

sang all the kits in StarClan. (Now you know the origin of the phrase "StarClan's kits"!)

Hollyleaf ran and ran and ran and ran faster than Crowfeather. That's a record!

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_Give me Thunder froar froar froar!_

_Give me power crash crash crash!_

_GIVE ME THUNDER FROAR FROAR FROAR!_

_GIVE ME POWER CRASH CRASH CRASH!_

_GIVE ME THUNDER FROAR FROAR FROAR!_

_GIVE ME POWER CRASH CRASH CRASH!_

_GIVE ME THUNDER FROAR FROAR FROAR!_

_GIVE ME POWER-_

"SHUT UP!" screamed Hollyleaf. "SHUT UP!"

There was a crash.

A bang.

A clang.

A "Blip-blop-bloop-banga-o-langa-woof, nubby-frrph 120,000 eckleck-ooo-looo-a-scap-babble-de booble wop." (credits the impossible quiz by splapp-me-do).

Then the _kits_ shut up…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

because they had been made _apprentices_ by the magical power of Ivystorm!

_GIVE ME THUNDER FROAR FROAR FROAR!_

_GIVE ME POWER CRASH CRASH CRASH!_

sang the now-apprentices.

Hollyleaf charged… right into Ashfur and knocked him into a black hole. The black hole leading to the universe of Dewlight and the other "seriousfic" cats.

**No more serious chapters! I promise!**

_Promises are all very well..._


	9. 67

**Before I do anything, this is a seriousfic.**

**REPLIES!**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Well, my accepting OCs are on hold for the next week because… *searches through excuses bank* MY DOG ATE MY CHINESE NOTEBOOK! (Wait, what?) But they will be used! Someday! someday… **_**somedayyyyy…..**_

**And this is another! :D**

**Lionstorm and Friends and Guests: I told you people! My dog ate my chinese notebook, so I can't use your OC! Thanks… I forgot what any of my chapters were about. Chapter 4 was the cake one right? Oof.**

**Let you die and I be dramatic and cliche for 300 words!**

Chapter 9: 67 Heartbeats

A shadow loomed over the tiny she-cat. Technically, two shadows. One was her imminent death, and the other a literal cat.

Petallight **(I apologize in advance for the double "l") **held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut as she waited for the tom's claws to slash over her face (and ruin her beautiful looks).

Instead she felt warm disgusting breath on her muzzle.

"Don't die yet, Petal_paw_...don't die now, when I could remind you of your- _my _past… and all you did to ruin my life.. Petal_paw, _you made me do this… don't blame me. You brought this on yourself…"

"Remember when we were all still apprentices? Remember the time you and Aspenfoot almost drowned me? Remember?" whispered the tom, Brackenbranch.

Petallight did. She knew it wasn't just a prank. She remembered how she thought Brackenbranch was inferior because he was younger than her. She remembered trying to hurt him, kill him even.

"Yes, you remember. But do you know?" he murmured, lifting Petallight up as though she were a piece of crowfood and tossing her into the nearby river.

Petallight writhed under the murky, brownish depths of the river as the huge paw held her down. Struggling for breath, she tried to escape, to no avail. Her heart pounded, every beat a trial. She prayed that someone would come and find out, but Brackenbranch had chosen his place well...

Just as she was about to give way, Brackenbranch let go and she floated to the surface. "Yes, yes, recover a bit now… did you think that was a bit too long? 67 heartbeats… just as long as you drowned me."

Petallight couldn't move. How many more trials? Her mind flashed back to the times she had made him eat crowfood… the time she tried to feed him deathberries… the time…

"I won't let you die yet, Petal_paw_. Not yet. Not until I can see you have understood… Not yet… not here… not now. Perhaps you'll understand when I show you… Hopefully you won't ever forget. Live with the memories."

**And yes! She did get forcefed crowfood and actually a lot more. That includes having wads of mouse-bile soaked moss stuffed up her nose and having to drink her own blood. And yes! She did all that to Brackenbranch as… younger… sorta. **

**Oh wait the word was as an apprentice. oops.**

**Oh, and he called her Petalpaw because… it felt like he was talking to her but younger? Like the young her.**

**Let's end on an ominous note, shall we?**

"_Live with the memories." The words ring in her ears… all through her life, and even now… as an elder, though Brackenbranch is long dead, lost to a battle against RiverClan. _

_They say he was drowned. _


	10. Memories of Me

**Herllo!**

**RePlIezzzz:**

**mm i wanna die: DON'T DIE ON ME! PLEASE! Hehe I never knew that… *yeets off to math tutor***

**RobinLudgate: I hope so… I agree. They're really serious… This was meant to be wholly serious at first! :D**

**Here you go…. history of me and Warriors!**

Chapter 10: How young was I?!

When I was in fourth grade Warriors was _the_ most popular thing. It was literally like, I dunno, BTS to us now (oof I hate BTS).

Ok, so I read it so that I could understand what anyone was talking about. Also known as… what is an omen of the stars?

And I started with Into The Wild… and it was cool! It was pretty good actually. At least to my standards. :P Then I started to literally read the books… not in order haha. I read Outcast next, and then Dark River. Needless to say I was bamboozled and confuzzled and… yeah, you get it.

Anyways, time skip to when I finally realized that there was an order and when I found a fellow fan! That was in fifth grade. (NOSTALGIA!) Yay! The random fan and I… knew the books by heart, wrote super cringy fanfics, etc. etc. But good things never last, and after we got into another fandom (Chronicles of Narnia… AWESOME FANDOM TFUBHDRFGIHI) and we started drifting apart (different classes D:) AND Warriors started getting unpopular and I started caring about my studies… Yeah, I forgot about Warriors.

Nine months later…

It was the second and also second _last _day of exams. The last exam was English literature, which was… technically known as read a book and answer questions about it. So I wasn't that worried because by coincidence I had had that book since I was six. So I decided to wind down and read a book! And I found my tattered copy of Fading Echoes under a huge pile of books and decided to read that… and boom. I realized I loved Warriors. Weird, right?

**This is literally what happened to me ;) I may publish that fanfic… but it's so cringy KD and unfinished lol… we drifted apart right at the climax but really, it was sorta endless and the plot never got past "Apprentice has forbidden relationship, oh and she gets demoted from medicine cat because she falls asleep while curing someone and the real medicine cat is seriously emo." Oh dear… it sounded horrible like that. Oops...**


	11. ANNOUNCEMENT AND SHORTEST ONESHOT EVER

**Announcement Of The Year!**

**My new updating schedule is about twice a week. :P Because people aren't reading this anyway, no matter how many chapters I post a day (RIP my fingers). Also because I have exams coming up (I am the sort of kid who studies two weeks before the exams and a bit every day)... and my little surprise for you people! What is it? Well… :D it's a secret… (you: TELL ME OR I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD!)**

**Ok, ok! Remember Chapter 10 and the fanfic my friend and I wrote back around a million years ago? We're publishing it… under the name of Aurousmoon on this website! :DDDDDDDD**

**Anyways, replies…**

**Tigercry: Hmm… Didn't I tell you I'm publishing it?! FROAR I TOLD YOU THROUGH PM! (Don't worry, that was like a couple hours ago)**

**Guest: Aha I'm in middle school and the first time I heard of Warriors was I think 3 ½ years ago? Unsure…**

**RobinLudgate: YESSSSSS I READ IT! *spoilers for those people who didn't read it* Flowerstar!**

Chapter Eleven: Not a oneliner or twoliner or mildliner

This is not a oneliner.

Or a twoliner.

There you go.

**BAIIIIIIIII! lolololololol XD**


	12. ROCK ROCK OAK OAK TREE TREE

**Ok, I don't want you to die, so here is Chapter 12! **

**Repliessssss…..**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: And I never planned thatttt to happen… (The cliffie) I still haven't read DOTC! Do you want more sad chapters? :D**

**Anyways, GO CHECK OUT THE MINTKIT SAGA NOWWWWWWW OR WE WILL BOTH CRY BECAUSE OF NO REVIEWS! (not)**

Chapter Twelve: SKYCLAN IS TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE

Hi. So you came here for a chapter, right? Yup, you did. But before the chapter, how about a little warm-up game… like GUESS THE WARRIOR CAT? :DDDDD What, no? Too bad!

第一題!

This cat is from AVOS

I HATE HIM/HER

And the best clue of all… One day, Mousefur had eaten too much fresh-kill. *farts*

Ok… could you guess? Please say yes…

第二題!

This cat is from… I'm not telling you.

On the cover of his book his nose looks like a strawberry.

The book is OoTs (oh wait I just told you!)

Do not guess!

Anyways, after the warmup, did you think you could get a chapter?!

NO WAY, NO HOW.

Here's some food for thought…

SkyClan got kicked out because there weren't enough trees. (Well, that's what they said.)

But yet SkyClan was a tree… *looks at logo* and the cat Tree joined SkyClan!

And also… didn't Brokenstar drive WindClan out once? Wouldn't he have to chop down a tree?

Wait, maybe HE was the one who sent the Twolegs!

And what about… what if Brokenstar sent that rock to chop down BlueOak's oak?

(Rock= actual physical noncat slightly harder will not kill you if you throw rock)

(Oak= actual physical huggable one which there are not four of)

Anyways, did you think there was going to be a chapter?!

_There was never meant to be one…_

**Hello! This was invented by me and Mountainshine (the fellow non-aurousmoon fan)!**


	13. A Very Long Chapter

**I have no wit left today….**

**R**

**e**

**p**

**l**

**i**

**e**

**spongekit36: Yup, the person in Ch.10 and I wrote The Mintkit Saga! Wait, was it that random KD? *goes check* Oh… haha… My Fading Echoes has been virtually covered in writing, fanart, random stuff… once I found a sticker on it. And the official first book I read? Dunno… it had Sandstorm in it and I didn't know it was about cats until two pages in! But based on what I remember it was A Dangerous Path. (reading over someone's shoulder) Don't worry! Berrystar (Mintkit's leader! NOT Berrynose) once said in the original Mintkit saga: (something like) All cats who can catch prey should come to the Highrock for a meeting! Which was pretty far from the original… And in my long since destroyed fanfic I said "Dear Randompaw, in the name of StarClan, your name is Randomness!" Um… but he wasn't named Randomness. It was something totally weird like Wolfflame… Yes, it was Flametail! And first was Alderheart aka ELDERFART FROARRRR (he is annoying in my opinion)**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: I'm very bad at sad chapters… *flies halfway across the world to your library***

**RobinLudgate: Oh really? XD Thanks for the review on Mintkit :DDDDD The first was Alderheart! And I have less than 10% idea who Finleap is. Oh wait… that super annoying guy? Ok, I remember him a bit… And yes, it was Flametail! (he inspired my first Warriors RP with my bother, um I mean BROTHER) It was about drowning cats KD**

**ANYWAYS GO READ THE MINTKIT SAGA NOW AND STOP WASTING YOUR TIME HERE! SORRY IF I SOUND MEAN BUT PLEASE GIVE A COUPLE REVIEWS IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!**

**Ahem. Here is Chapter Thirteen! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, I own Mintkit, I don't own your OCs, I own me and my seriousfic cats! By the way, if you remember Dewlight, she's based off a friend of mine who has two modes: Assassin Mode and Gentle And Nice Mode. And I forced her into reading the books… KD**

Chapter Thirteen: Ashfur's Educating

If you read Chapter… a previous chapter, Ashfur fell into infinite darkness. Oh, wait, that was Mintkit!

Oh wait, Ashfur fell into seriousfic land!

Ok then.

Anyways.

Anyways.

Anywaysssss.

Ashfur fell on a lump of brownish fur. The brown fur looked up and screamed. "Oh no! There is an invader. We must attack to protect our borders."

Ashfur was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, verity, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very confused. "Why do you want to attack? AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING WEIRD?!"

"It is because, according to the warrior code, our borders must be protected. Also, please refrain from using caps lock while talking." said the brown fur aka Aspenfoot (remember this guy?)

"But the warrior code goes like this!

First, NEVER NOT USE CAPS LOCK WHEN MAD, EXCITED OR SCREAMING!

Second, never drink coffee because it makes you hyper.

Third, read one fanfiction per day.

Fifth, doughnuts are awesome!

Sixth, join the dark side because there are cookies and hot chocolate and cupcakes and skins!"

This time, Aspenfoot was the one to be confused. "Where is the fourth rule? Also, what happened to 'Defend your borders with your life?'" **(me internally: *forgets warrior code*)**

Ashfur rolled his eyes. "Do you people have a LIFE?!"

**(Ashfur! I don't have a life either! :P)**

"Yes, we do. We are live beings-"

Ashfur facepawed. "You people need to learn. Firstly, borders are literally lines of weird smells on the floor and not your girlfriend who you SHOULD be protecting."

**(But instead you throw her into a fire. Good job, Ashfur.)**

"Also, you don't go on patrols or stuff. No one cares enough to invade."

Aspenfoot's jaw dropped and sank through the floor, etc. etc. Then he recovered himself.

"B-But… the code…"

"OUR CODE," Ashfur froared.

Aspenfoot thought it through. It seemed sorta fun. To be random. And not to be overly dramatic and care about borders.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"So… Ashfur, what exactly are doughnuts?"

**QOTC: Did anyone think Twolegs were a weird breed of cat at first? (ME)**

**QOTC#2: Should I make more seriousfics?**


	14. tapioxas

**Oh, my StarClan. Just… ugh. Ugh. I am annoyed. School got cancelled. Summary: THIS IS WAR, CHILDREN. (Oof, literal war)**

**Anyways, RePliEs ._.**

**Spongekit36: Uh… really… oops… Hmm… Seriousfic cats: *drowns all the randomfic cats* Um, no. I don't think they're really big on drowning… *Flashback to Chapter Nine***

**Ashfur: I WILL DO WHAT I PLEASE AND THAT INCLUDES THROWING THE WHOLE CLAN INTO FIRE WHENEVER I WANT.**

**Yaaaaaaaaaacyaaaaaaaaaaa?**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: No? ._. AHHHH MIXED VIEWS! WHAT NOW?!**

Chapter Fourteen: ._. tapiocas never know

In the end, Aspenfoot got kicked out of SeriousficClan. Along with Ashfur.

"Doughnuts are prohibited here. Please remove yourselves from this Clan." **(Translation: NO DOUGHNUTS ALLOWED SO GET YOUR SORRY um OUTTA HERE!)**

Ashfur and Aspenfoot did a walk of shame outta there. It was made worse because Ashfur's wig was falling off and covering one eye severely. At the gate of SeriousficClan sat a doughnut-eating Dappledleaf.

"You know DOUGHNUTS ARE PROHIBITED, right?" Ashfur glared with one eye, pushing his wig up.

Dappledleaf tossed him the doughnut **(AHHHHH!). **"That. Was. Why. I. Was. Outside."

**(Fair enough.) **

Ashfur dragged a very longing-looking Aspenfoot away from the half-eaten doughnut. "I'll get you boba tea!"

"BOBA TEA?!" cried Aspenfoot. He secretly loved boba tea, but never told anyone because he was banned from drinking it. "BOBA TEA IS AWESOMEEEEEEE! :DDDDDDDDDD"

(**Aren't I the only person capable of saying :DDDDDDDD?)**

Ashfur had to stop at the nearest ShareTea and buy a $40 boba tea. " This is overpriced," he grumbled. **(That is the price of a Starbucks coffee… judge for yourselves. And I have never been to ShareTea before so no idea how much a real boba tea is KD)**

"TAPIOCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHFUR I LOVE YOU!" screamed Aspenfoot.

**(NO! ASPENFOOT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU… YOU JUST SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL!)**

Anyways, Aspenfoot happily sipped his boba tea, unaware that he was now possessed by the evil spirit of Ashfur! (RE teacher strikes again…) DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

Ashfur grinned evilly. "Soon, all the seriousfic cats will be under my command! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chomps down on doughnut*- HFGRSYGUATFUHIFTFYJPGUGICHOKECHOKEVANGUAH."

Back in RandomClan/NarniaClan, Ivystorm was annoyed. Why? One word: RAINFEATHER. **(Me trying not to forget your OCs and randomly inserting them)** Anyways, Google proved that pianos do not auto-play… yet. And Rainfeather. You know what she does.

Anyways, Aspenfoot was soon asleep, and for once not because of Shades **(me internally: I HAVE TO USE YOUR OCS EXCEPT DAPPLEDLEAF'S BOTHER FOR NO REASON) *froars***. And why? BECAUSE OF THE… tapioca. Like those innocent cute ._. ones?

._. ._. ._.

Ashfur grinned maniacally this time. "MY ARMY OF TAPIOXAS (toxic tapiocas, you can see I'm STILL thinking about that MAP KD) WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" *thunderclap*

The tapioxas leapt out of the cup, bowing to their master's aka Ashfur's command. They swarmed into SeriousficClan to brainwash them.

Um, do you really think the tapioxas really succeeded in brainwashing the strong-minded warriors?

**(Yes.)**

I AM TALKING! But, unfortunately, no. Seriousfic cats and Ivystorm have only one resemblance, and that is they don't eat tapioca (tapioxa). I only drink fruit tea! XD

**And unfortunately… I'm leaving you lot at a cliffie. There will be Pt. 2… **

_**Or will there?**_

**QOTC: Are you hangry now?**

**QOTC#2: Should we ship Aspenfur?**


	15. Tapioxnot

**Today, we are here to mourn the loss of my exams. Oof, yes. They died and got cancelled as well. Oh, and Burning Embers, my dead OC.**

**Replies:**

**RobinLudgate: *takes deep breath* My favourite characters are Mothwing Leafpool Hollyleaf Jayfeather Ivypool Nightcloud Graystripe Echosong Crowfeather Mistystar Tawnypelt Flametail Squirrelflight and Whitestorm. Oof, who did I miss? Oh BRIARLIGHT! Ahhhh! Finally someone said yes XD *creates random chapters* I was writing this at 7am and having not eaten. Are we shipping it then? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm… hopefully Ashfur won't throw him into the fire KD BOBA TEA AKA SOMETHING I HAVE ONLY HAD ONCE IN MY LIFE!**

**Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the bit where I told people that I drank fruit tea. Oops. But am I a nice, kind author who gives sequels right in the next chapter? Yes, I am! At least for only this time.**

Chapter Fifteen: Tapioxnot

Remember the tapioxas? Nom! No, wait, don't eat them. NO DON'T EAT THEM *watches as reviewers die* Oh well, there are always new reviewers… *pulls all my IRL friends over* (IRL friends:?!)

Anyways, the amazingly strong minded SeriousficClan cats did not eat the tapioxas. UNLIKE YOU LOT. Why? Because… this may sound weird, but actually they look a lot like deathberries… because they're sorta round… yeah. And apparently the SeriousficClan cats were warned against eating all round objects and so. Yup.

This shows that Aspenfoot was either madly in love or too big of an idiot or both.

Meanwhile, Ashfur was toasting Marshmallow. The cat. *directs you back to Chapter 7* Yes, this was a new girlfriend who dumped him for Starbucks. YES. THE CAT STARBUCKS. STARCLAN, DID YOU LOT NOT READ THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER SEVEN?! Aspenfoot was secretly grinning in a corner (yes he is awake, deal with it).

**(Don't complain, I got one review saying they shipped it and here you go!)**

Back in SeriousficClan, technically everyone had buried their noses and mouths in the moss because the tapioxas were giving out teargas fumes. (Smells horrible.) Oooooooof.

But I like talking about NarniaClan more so let's talk about them. Um, Marshmallow was alive, don't worry. And Aspenfoot was thinking about Ashfur with hearts as eyes… AHHHHHHHHH NO ASPENFOOT WHYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYY?! Anyways, Aspenfoot was at the same time drinking another boba tea because he was addicted and, oh, because *vomits* because it made him think of Ashfur. BLECH DO NOT SHIP IT!

**Joke over, Aspenfur would never work… especially with Ashfur's tendency to throwing his significant others in the fire.**

Any- BACK AT SERIOUSFICCLAN, the cats were choking and running for help. And Dappledleaf was eating doughnut #2. And, well, tapioxas were invading. But never fear! Remember Watermelon? Yes, Chapter Seven guy. He's here… with a vaccum cleaner.

_Whoooooooosh! _Goodbye, tapioxas! Awesome, huh? They should get him to clean up our school… School would resume in no time.

And there we go, sort of! And… what about the best ship ever, Aspenfur?

…

Aspenfoot stepped up to the nice, pretty she-cat with a half-familiar scent at the counter of the store. "Um…" he began, his voice trembling. "Hi, um… how much is a fire-proof suit? And, um… could I have one if it costs less than $100?"

The she-cat gave him a funny look. "You should be buying a water-proof suit in case someone drowns you, but sure. Um.. 67 dollars…" She looked slightly shaken as she handed the suit over.

"Thanks!" Aspenfoot dashed off.

**QOTC: You know who the she-cat is, right? :P**


	16. Explainations

**I AM OUTTA HERE! Why? *looks at boba tea keychain on best friend's pencil case* WHYYYYYYYYY?!**

**Relipes (oops repiles) (REPLIES)**

**FuturisticVampire: Your username took me forever to spell KD Anyways… Joe is a boy. He is a six-year-old who makes several cameos in English textbooks for first-graders. WOULD ALL CATS! ._. I could just be famous for Baby Shark! The she-cat… is me. Nah, she's no one… OR IS SHE? IS SHE NO ONE?! IS SHE?! TELL MEEEEEEEEE!**

**RobinLudgate: They… don't eat them. They starve. There are he-cats, actually! In Starkit's Prophecy! …. i was looking for a name lol But yeah! Ten points to Ravenclaw!**

**Weethout ferther adieu…**

…

Chapter Sixteen: Ashfurrrrrrrrrrrr

You might want to know why stinky Ashfur is EVERYWHERE in this book.

Good, I want to too.

Actually… he's just too fun to make fun of. haha.

"I'M HERE TO BE MADE FUN OF?!" Ashfur screamed. He took out his trademark gas lighter (it's green, THE COLOR OF DOVEWING'S EYES) and clicked the button. (WHY are they called _butt_ons?! They aren't even on your butt… StarClan, what has the world become…)

Sparkpelt appeared.

Out of the gas lighter.

And I have to say, Dovewing did too. Not out of the gas lighter, though. And her widened eyes were gre- BLUE?!

Great StarClan. Do you mean to say that I've been color-blind all along?! MY LIFE WAS A LIE!

Hollyleaf looked slightly unimpressed. She leapt- and tackled me. ME! IVYSTORM! "YOUR LIFE WAS NOT A LIE! MINE WAS, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-" she froared, but she got blipped out right before she said a particular unrepeatable word.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *continues for a very long time*HHHHHH!" screamed… me? I? I screamed.

Firestar looked at his stopwatch. "691 hours, 49 minutes and 8 seconds."

**Actually happened… *looks at random text message I got with a screenshot of that***

"THAT WAS ONE WHOLE MOON?!" froared Hollyleaf. "ONE WHOLE MOON WHERE I COULD HAVE BEEN ASSASSINATING ASHFUR?!"

**Correction: 28 days**

Ashfur waved from the corner. "Killing is now against the code! Because I as sort of leader of ThunderClan have forbidden it!"

**facepaw…**

"oops…"

**EXPOSED ASHFUR MY DEAR WE ALL KNOW NOW!**

**Welp. I'm done. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D**

**WAIT! I NEVER EXPLAINED WHY ASHFUR WAS HERE!**


	17. phones :D

**Let me this day create a fic**

**Where one chapter doth depict**

**The tale of Warriors in a chatroom chatting**

**Even though my reviews won't be flattering.**

Chapter Seventeen: Warriors Texting, the most cliche topic

Ivystorm logged onto the WARRIORS CHAT ROOM. Because she was bored. Ha, ha.

_**WriterOnSugarHigh has entered the chatroom. :D**_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: XD **

On the other side of the clan, Aspenfoot was drinking boba tea and simply HAD to take a photo of it and post it on the WARRIORS CHAT ROOM.

_**BobaTeaLover has poured boba tea all over the floor of the chatroom.**_

**BobaTeaLover: *insert hideous pic of boba tea and him* Look at me and my baby!**

Ivystorm silently regretted letting him join this fanfic at all.

Meanwhile all the OCs you people submitted and Watermelon and the Vacuum Gang were having some sort of party and posting a heck lot of photos with captions and because there were about 18 of them (give or take a few) this happened.

_**17 members have entered the chatroom riding on ILoveLeaves.**_

**ILoveLeaves (giraffeleaf): ME EATING LEAVES :DDDDDDDDDD LEAVES**

**ILoveLeaves: AND HERE'S A SELFIE OF ALLLL OUR GANG RIDING ON ME**

Ivystorm had no idea how that went and was about to ask when some crazy person rammed into the chatroom. Some crazy two people.

_**ItsDarkInHere has destroyed the door of the chatroom by crashing into it repeatedly. **_

_**ShinyyyyyyyyHappiness has followed suit.**_

**ItsDarkInHere (jayfeather/jaybae): Briarlight, can you translate those insane messages up there?**

**ShinyyyyyyyyHappiness: um Giraffeleaf… what just happened… by the way Ivystorm I'm not crazy...**

**ItsDarkInHere: Great, now my translator is asking useless questions instead of being productive. Best translator ever. **

_**ItsDarkInHere has stormed out of the remains of the chatroom.**_

Briarlight gaped. "JAYFEATHER!"

_**SetTheWorldAblaze has marched into the chatroom wielding a gas lighter.**_

**SetTheWorldAblaze (Ashfur): ASPENFOOT YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH BOBA TEA I THROW YOU INTO FIRE HAH?**

Aspenfoot ran. RAN. AND RAN. Ashfur ran after him.

_**BobaTeaLover has run away.**_

_**SetTheWorldAblaze has changed his username to SetBobaTeaLoverAblaze.**_

Suddenly! In a blink! Not Blackpink! THE MYSTERIOUS SHE-CAT WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE FUTURISTICVAMPIRE AND SOLD ASPENFOOT THE FIREPROOF SUIT DASHED INTO THE CHATROOM!

_**MysteriousBeauty has dashed into the chatroom in pursuit of BobaTeaLover.**_

**MysteriousBeauty: Use the suit!**

Aspenfoot was, fortunately, wearing the suit. He ran and ran and ran and ran and came to a screeching halt!

At a pit of lava.

_Shoot._

"Mwahahahaha… this is what happens to cats who cheat on me." Ashfur grinned malevolently.

Aspenfoot gasped. "Wasn't it you who had given me my first boba tea? Why are you blaming me?"

_**WriterOnSugarHigh is looking through her very messy Google Docs to find Chapter Fourteen.**_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Um actually no one says so… it only says Aspenfoot liked it but wasn't allowed so Ashfur bribed him with it…**

Aspenfoot was unimpressed. "K, but you still gave me the love of it."

Ashfur grinned. "You think that matters now? All that matters is that you love someone more than me. And that means death."

**This is turning into a seriousfic with a stupid reason. So a halffic?**

Aspenfoot gaped. "Well, I have a fireproof suit!"

**MysteriousBeauty: Um… actually the fireproof suit… doesn't work against lava…**

Aspenfoot screeched and froared in fury. "I HAVE BOBA TEA AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!"

"Try me," Ashfur coaxed silkily. "Try me."

Aspenfoot splooshed boba tea all over Ashfur.

Nothing happened.

"Tut tut, what a waste." Ashfur mocked, giving a hefty push.

But nothing happened. Aspenfoot stayed rooted firmly.

He was too heavy after all that boba tea.

Ashfur frowned. "Well. Here's a gas lighter. Here's a cat. Here's some simple math. What is gas lighter plus cat?"

_**MathGeniusDeathberry has eagerly rushed into the chat.**_

**MathGeniusDeathberry (Hollyleaf): Ashes!**

**(Headcanon of Ivystorm's: Hollyleaf is good at math.)**

"NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION YOU FILTHY LITTLE-" Ashfur was about to say Mudblood, but stopped himself just in time. "HALFCLANNER!"

_**MathGeniusDeathberry has run away crying.**_

"Now look what you did! She cried!" Aspenfoot cried.

Ashfur rolled his eyes and pushed the button.

**DUN DUN DUHNNNNN! Cliffie!**

**:DDDDDDDDDDD**


	18. filler KD

**Ok, left you at a cliffie.**

**Replies! :DDDDDD**

**Guest (who I will assume is RobinLudgate): udbld?! wha- Wait, what was Jayfeather? *goes back to check* Ohhhhhh. Hehe. Yup, Blackpink. Please don't say you like it. Oh well.**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: It was meant to be an actual explanation! X3 **

**Anyway… **

Chapter Eighteen: Uncliffie

Click! THE DEED WAS DONE. THE BUTTON WAS CLICKED. And…

Aspenfoot was still wearing his fireproof suit.

"Foiled again," Ashfur froared, making a sad face.

"Never mind, I'll just block Safari on Ivystorm's phone to make her suffer because she makes ne look stupid."

**(When your characters want revenge…) **

Ivystorm switched on her iPad and continued to read fanfiction.

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Problem solved. Lucky our school provides iPads, right? :D**

Ashfur screamed in fury.

_**SetBobaTeaLoverAblaze has changed his username to SetEveryCatAliveAblaze.**_

**Oof, didn't expect that.**

A lightbulb came on in Ashfur's head and he unsheathed his claws. "Your cute suit isn't claw-proof, is it?"

Aspenfoot shrank back.

Plop! He landed in… the lava.

No, what lava? It was all orange slime.

_**SlimeLover333 has put slime in WriterOnSugarHigh's chair.**_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: HEY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, BRACKENFUR?!**

**(Yup, it's Brackenfur. He's boring in the books so… *spice*)**

**We are done! :D And lol haha this was filler… :D**


	19. questions

**Ooooooooooof. Hello, people. **

**Rpls:**

**Emrey: :DDDDDDDDDDD Thank you! :DDDDDDDD**

**RobinLudgate: You are literally me every day. (Don't worry I shall listen to it KD) **

**DappledleafTheBootiful: NO! NOOOOO! I TAKE IT BACK!**

**Anyways this is the literal weirdest chapter I thought up known as Q&A. All questions from my inner bully KD**

"Yes, you lot are gonna get interviewed. Congrats and all, bla bla bla, the interviewer likes chocolate, bla bla bla. Yeah." Ivystorm droned, reading off a cue card some fictional interviewer had given her.

"Ok, so… um, wow. That's mean. First question to me, um… why do you talk in caps lock? I mean, that's dumb." Ivystorm winced. "That's just my way of talking! WHAT IS WRONG WITH- never mind," she sighed, remembering she was the one who wrote the questions.

"Second, um. Ashfur, you are a total, dense, idiotic, moronic buffoon. "

At this Ashfur took out his gas lighter.

"That's not a question!" said Aspenfoot, defending his… _friend_.

"No, there's more," said a super-frazzled Ivystorm. "It is so obvious that burning people and throwing them into lava is against the law. So why do you burn all your ex-s? I used to like you, but now I hate you, _idiot_."

**Fact: I don't hate him! That was for the sake of being a mean person and technically to see their sassy side… or their break-down-in-tears side.**

Ashfur rolled his eyes. "Ferncloud and her addiction to Sweet But Psycho."

"Whaaaaat?!" squawked Hollyleaf. "She likes it too?!"

Ashfur rolled his eyes so much he saw his pea-sized brain. "The music video. You know, the one where a girl burns her boyfriend up?"

**Well, that escalated quickly.**

"..." Ferncloud ...ed.

"..." Hollyleaf ….ed.

"Never mind, question 4. Aspenfoot, can't you make up your mind (assuming you have one)? Because you have about 2, 3 mates?"

"Every queen in Arc One had two, three mates! (And Crowfeather.) So why can't I?" he snarled, whipping out a boba tea.

**Stop wasting your boba tea, that's the second cup today.**

"Oh, ok." he growled, snarl still there.

**Apparently interviews make him grumpy.**

"Sure, cool… fifthly, Dewlight, why did you kill Flamespark? Killing your parents is so 1046 BC."

":( !" Dewlight literally ran out of the… room? forest? territory?! in tears. "Don't ask me! Please! Don't ask me… ANYTHING!"

**Oh, well, I was going to ask her about her feelings for Aspenfoot XD I think she killed Flame for him… :P**

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I QUIT! THESE WERE JUST MEANT TO BE QUESTIONS! DO ALL OF YOU HAVE HIDDEN DARK SIDES OR SOMETHING?!" screamed Ivystorm.

"Now, that's much more like her," commented Birchfall.

**I'm awesome, I'm done. I'm also lazy.**


	20. OMSC I AM SO SORRY I AM UNINSPIRED

**Hi, I just realized my recent chapters are utterly horrible and this is Chapter 20 AND I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AGES ARGHHHH, so I will make something nice.**

**Replies, I guess XD: **

**Guest who talked about the song and who is probably RobinLudgate: Cool! :P I like random lines XD um… I did like the song! AND I AM RIGHT HERE AND ALIVE! :DDDDD**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Baby-popping-machine?! KD YES! I love Sweet but Psycho too! **

**Guest who reviewed on Chapter One who may or may not be RobinLudgate: Yes, I do! :D Feel free to request!**

Chapter Twenty: Oops, untitled

Once upon a time…

Wait, no.

No… wait…

NO WAIT DON'T GO YET PLEASE NO DO NOT GO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*screams internally*

I.

Am.

So.

Uninspired.

_**WriterOnSugarHigh has slammed into the chatroom. **_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: ANYONE HAVE IDEAS HELP ME **

_**Everyone has stampeded out of the chatroom.**_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: NO! MY CHARACTERS ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL! NOOOOO! **

_**SetEveryCatAblaze has come to set every cat ablaze.**_

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Um… Aspenfoot went thatttt way.**

Ivystorm pointed south-east.

Meanwhile. Aspenfoot sipped boba tea straight from the teapot around in an uncovered, undefended meadow. "The north-west sure is a great place to hide from my insane creator!"

**SetEveryCatAblaze: I AM NOT AS STUPID AS I LOOK.**

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Actually, two out of two people I know say you ARE as stupid as you look. (Thank you, random person who called him a colorful and creative name one day at lunch.)**

Ashfur screamed. "STUPID [insert name of that person]!"

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Wow, is that the best you got?**

_**SetEveryCatAblaze has changed his username to SetIvystormAblaze.**_

Ashfur reached into his non-existent pocket for his gas lighter. Did he find it?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, MOUSEBRAINS?!

No. No, he did not. NO. 沒有. Mei you. **mentally runs through languages I know how to say no in. **いいえ. Is that even right?

Ashfur froared pretty loudly. Think supernova explosion, thunder, the scream of an elephant getting squished by another elephant and twenty-five watermelons falling onto the floor. At the same time. And then multiply that by about… say fifty-one thousand times and add the noise of firecrackers during the New Year for good measure, and you wouldn't be close to the sound of his froar. Not even remotely close. Maybe adding helicopters zooming by with jets in the pursuit would help a bit, but I highly doubt it.

**WriterOnSugarHigh: I feel like that was a waste of words but oh never mind. By the way, Ashfur, you forgot something…**

Ivystorm brandished a green, or blue, but pretty much probably iridescent gas lighter. Ashfur ran at it with the force of two buses trying desperately to knock you out (of the rugby match) from behind and far away from Ivystorm, trying to sneak up on her. But apparently, since a tiny noise scares away all the prey in the canon books, Ivystorm both heard Ashfur thundering through the undergrowth like an overweight badger and smelled his pungent stink which resembled foxdung. (No offence to real pieces of foxdung.)

Ivystorm got tackled anyway and flew through the air. At a desperate attempt to get rid of the gas lighter once and for all, she let go of the gas lighter mid-fly. The gas lighter soared…

**Oops, I just realised I've been totally neglecting The Mintkit Saga. Yeah, now go on…**

through the air and landed with a clang on the moss.

Wait, clang? On perfectly soft moss?

Ivystorm struggled out of the tackle, which wasn't that hard providing that Ashfur was racing towards the gas lighter already. The gas lighter flew into its owner's paws.

Shoot.

Ashfur clicked the button and flames sprayed out onto the soft, springy, moss which definitely wasn't melting. Definitely not. Moss does not, DOES NOT, ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, NEVER, EVER, ME—

The moss melted into chlorine-green liquid. It stank. Worse than Ashfur, who at this point was running towards the north-west meadow for cover.

"What is this, um… aromatic liquid?" you may ask. Why, it is none less than the amazing watercress with honey drink, despised by all and an extremely cheap replacement to: Sabina, the extremely cheap replacement to Ribena, which is the extremely cheap replacement to orange juice, which is the extremely cheap replacement to oranges, which are the extremely cheap replacement to getting a life.

"Humph," choked Ivystorm. "Why leave me alone with the, _ahem_, delicious watercress with honey drink?!"

Meanwhile, in the north-west meadow, Aspenfoot was enjoying his fifteenth teapot of boba tea with a piece of fresh-kill pie from the RiverClan Pastry Shop and not getting caught in science class when foxdung-like smells hit his nostrils.

"There you are, my sweet!" crooned an extremely wrong-sounding Ashfur. "Aspenfoot, would you like to…" His face took on a horrible expression. "Rebel against Ivystorm with me?"

Aspenfoot contemplated his life decisions.

"Yes! Yes, Ashfur. I will rebel. I will fight against our evil creator who put me into a love pentagon. **(Ashfur, boba tea, Aspenfoot himself, Dewlight [don't ask] and mysterious shecat.)** I WILL FIGHT."

"By my side?"

"Always."

**Now… bad things have happened, my sweets. Bad things. Also known as the fact that my own characters hate me. Oh, no. DDDDDDDD:**

**QOTC: Who should I put Aspenfoot with? (Expecting everyone to say Ashfur XD)**

**REASON FOR ABSENCE:**

**My amazing Chinese history test is tomorrow and I needa study. Apologies! :P**

**Btw was Thanksgiving like… a couple days ago? Happy Thanksgiving! :DDDDD**

**Wow, this chapter has 750 words! (I think.) :D**


	21. WHY ANOTHER ONE

***breaks door* I'M HEREEEEEEEE! :D Chapter 21! 21! Wow, I never expected to not give up for so long. XD I mostly expected around 8 chapters before I gave up… but oh. my. starclan. MY AMAZING REVIEWERS KEPT THIS FIC ALIVE FOR SO LONG! :DDDDDDDD**

**REPLIS!**

**RobinLudgate: *flashbacks to ROCK ROCK OAK OAK TREE TREE* YES! YES!**

**delecttric: Takes voice Sagh Ac bin moment Mthlft Biaos it's all for the sake of whoever Shi Btoc nightmare Mtgagat Mcl Hlb Mihlt Laolm Sazlo Dmaotio Hlb long ago Mt Htkoh Mtgagat until as much Cab? XD that was google translate… **

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Here comes inspiration by the barrelful- SHOOT DID I UPDATE MINTKIT AHHHHH (now I have! -two hours later Ivystorm)**

**Guest: YAY! Fire x Cinder? Sure, I can arrange that! *freaks out* NOT THIS CHAPTER THOUGH**

Chapter Twenty-One: We Do NOT Kill Our Authors!

Ok, remember the watercress and honey drink? (Wait, what?) No, I mean remember them hating me? No, not the watercress and honey drink. You know. Ash and Aspen? Yup, they hate me now. Yay. It's an honour to be hated by Aspenfoot. (Also known as the extremely peaceful, nice and goofy guy.) He probably only hates one cat.

Me.

Ahem. On with the story.

Back at the meadow, the two lovecats were devising a plan to get rid of Ivystorm. "So first, we buy three more gas lighters." said the fire-loving Ashfur.

"Can we blow her up? Can we? Can we? Can we?" asked Aspenfoot enthusiastically.

**I have raised him wrong…**

"NO! WE GIVE HER POISONED DONUTS!"

"Oh, and THEN we blow her up. With the gas lighters."

"NO! THE GAS LIGHTERS ARE TO MELT THE MOSS TO MAKE POISONOUS WATERCRESS AND HONEY DRINKS! TO DIP YOUR STUPID DOUGHNUTS INTO!" froared Ashfur, his non-existent patience leaving him. "BY THE WAY, I AM PERFECTLY PATIENT, SO SHUT UP!" he bellowed patiently.

Meanwhile.

"Well, that's just great," sighed Ivystorm, facepawing as she saw Ashfur's status on (the chatroom).

It was a nice photo of three shiny new gas lighters with caption "Burn it, my dudes!"

**WriterOnSugarHigh: What? Burn what? No, wait, I know. **

**SetIvystormAblaze: Good to see you know, because it's you.**

**WriterOnSugarHigh: Expected. Good luck in your plan, by the way. It won't go well. :)**

**SetIvystormAblaze: We'll see about that…**

Ivystorm logged out.

_Indeed. We'll see about that._

Back at the meadow, Ashfur was burning hard moss. The horrible stink arose. Fortunately, no one could smell it because they had clips on their noses.

No, wait, Ivystorm could.

NO, WAIT.

She was having it for breakfast.

Ok, so ANYWAYS, ASHFUR WAS DIPPING THE REALLY BIG AND LARGE ENOUGH TO FIT THREE CATS INSIDE DOUGHNUTS INTO THE WATERCRESS AND HONEY DRINK AND EVIL GRINNING TO HIMSELF!

One side of the doughnuts. He's lazy.

Suddenly, Ivystorm jumped out from behind a bush. Ashfur slapped a benign smile on his face. "Here you go, a doughnut!"

To his surprise, Ivystorm pulled it in half. "Thanks, but this is way too much for me. Have half, won't you? I gave you the side with green frosting." A shadow of a grin was on her face.

_Oh yeah, Ivystorm invented all this, _mused Ashfur, casually tossing the half to where Aspenfoot should have been. SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

"Oh, shoot. WHERE IS HE? AND WHY IS IVYSTORM SO-"

_**BOOOOOOM! **_

**Btw, anyone thinking that the characters attacking the writer reminds you of Animation vs Animator? (or is it the other way round oh who cares just watch it it's good and no I did not make it and for StarClan's sake where did grammar go?!) **

**Sorry for no updates :( CHINESE QUIZ HAPPENED D:**

**Next up: Fire x Cinder (request)**

**And then Ch. 23 will be the continuation of this mess I've made! :DDD**


	22. Chapter 215

**How do I make an unofficial chapter?**

**I have zero idea. **

**And Chapter 22 was meant to be Fire x Cinder! Oops. It'll be the next official chapter? This is Chapter 22 then, IT WILL BE CHAPTER 23 I PROMISE AND SWEAR BY MY BELOVED NOTEBOOKS (warriors notebook, chinese notebook, schedule book, random notebook x3)!**

**Oh, and one reply:**

**RobinLudgate: You mean the Love Story? Yeah, that… that… um… cough cough… not suitable… If you mean this one, it is rated T :DDDDDD**

**Anyways, Chapter 22! My friend, the one in Chapter 7 ALSO KNOWN AS MOUNTAINSHINE (me about to type her IRL name ooooops), created this through texting me and I made it… readable? (also known as added capital letters)**

Chapter 22: Spottedleaf's Secret

_Before Into The Wild_…

Spottedleaf was OLD, with wrinkled skin, messy whiskers and was starting to smell.

"Oh, how I wish I was young and pretty again," sighed Spottedleaf. "There is a hot kit at camp now who I have never talked to whatsoever, but I want him to like me."

Suddenly, Spottedleaf had a brilliant idea!

She ran all across Europe… to America… into Kate's house… AND KIDNAPPED HER!

She grabbed a pen, taught herself to write and found the first script of Into The Wild. She changed her description into young… and pretty… oh and SMELLING GOOD.

Instantly, she became young and pretty… AND GOOD SMELLING. She ran back to ThunderClan, happily pretending nothing had happened!

Firepaw saw her and instantly said, "I have never talked to her whatsoever, BUT I LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE IS YOUNG AND PRETTY AND SMELLS NICE!"

Sandstorm snarled and froared snd tore out her fur. Cinderpelt sobbed into her moss.

_Later…_

Kate broke free from the ropes and gags and tape and snarled, "THAT LITTLE (insert colorful words)! I will never forgive her." So, after a few chapters, she wrote: "I HATE HER SO CLAW FACE KILLED HER SO THERE! :("

**This line is beautiful XD**

But HarperCollins said it didn't make sense, so she rewrote that chapter, WITHOUT SAYING SHE HATED SPOTTEDLEAF, and killed her offscreen instead.

**Yay!**

_A few years later…_

Vicky was writing the end of The Last Hope. Suddenly, Kate broke into her house and screamed at Vicky, "YOU GO ON HOLIDAY! I'LL TAKE OVER!"

AND SHE KILLED OFF SPOTTEDLEAF! (AGAIN!)

And Kate lived happily ever after, without any interruptions from Spottedleaf ever again.

THE END!

Sandstorm smirked from behind the scenes. "So much for being _young _and _pretty _and _good smelling_!"

**There we go, a whole fanfic! I SWEAR CHAPTER 23 WILL BE FIRE X CINDER IF NOT YOU CAN RIP UP MY NOTEBOOKS AND DEMOLISH MY PHONE AND HACK INTO THIS ACCOUNT AND SEND ME HATE MAIL!**


	23. firecinder will be moved

**CRXRFVTDRDTESESRGUJGTCTBHAHHHHHH...Hi? I've been inactive for two weeks XD In those two weeks I managed to get myself grounded for three days and still not manage to do my request (it's driving me and Mountainshine off a building.) So hi, Guest. I have decided to put it in a separate story because I'm a bad writer and can't do romance. It'll take me about a month to churn out, but meanwhile look out for it. It'll probably be called "self control" (small letters) but I'll never know. It will eventually be done but it'll take ages. **

**Mountainshine when I asked for ideas: this 8s (is) hopeless. so far I can only think of waffles. oh, and yellowfang the matchmaker.**

**Um…**

**Replies?**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: SPOTTEDLEAF IS THE REASON FOR ALL THOSE PLOT HOLES!**

**addaleecunningham: SHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPSHIPPPPPPPPPPP YASSSSSSS EVERYONE SHIPS IT (mountain shine: …..)**

**Mountain shine: HELLO MY FRIEND WHO SENT THIS IN CHINESE CLASS (I kid you not.) Hi! YeEeEeT XD Well, apparently a heck lot of people liked this chapter :DDDDD **

**SHOUTOUT TO MOUNTAINSHINESAMEDCAT SHE HAS AN ACCOUNT NOW AND I LOVE HER FICS :DDDDD (p.s. I have her popcorn.)**

**RobinLudgate: I shall tell Mountainshine :) Wait you ship it…?! I'm ok with it… (random friend not mountainshine: NOOOOOO Y FIRECINDER WHYYYYYYY) And I write this in Chinese, and my translator turns it into English.**

**Nah, I write in English, though Chinese is my country's language. I like English more XD About Marvel: No, I live under a rock! Whom Aspenfoot will fall in love with!**

**Ok, be prepared to be disappointed… **

**This is yet another boring chapter. It's not a sequel to Ch.21**

Chapter 23: inspiration came, it left

What I found out today:

The sun is a star

Sol means sun. Star means StarClan.

Logic: Sol was sent by StarClan and he's actually Rock in disguise. Rock as in the one which won't come back to kill you if thrown.

Jayfeathertail

Crowfeather was named after Feathertail because of love.

Jayfeather was named after Crowfeather because of love.

Logic: Jayfeather was named after Feathertail. BECAUSE OF LOVE.

First arc v.s. Third arc

First arc: All the queens, I repeat ALL THE QUEENS, had two or three mates. No one wanted to kill the other mate.

Third arc: Crowfeather had three mates? We must all hate him. I mean, he just _so _deserves it, right?

Logic: The Erins favour the arc 1 cats. Or the lake messed them up. Probably the third option. P.S. Seriously, who doesn't hate Crowfeather?

Jay… no wait whaaaaa?

The common fandom nickname for Jayfeather is Jaybae. Now, the word for nose in Cantonese is 鼻 (pronounced not exactly, but a bit, like bae.)

Logic: JAYNOSE. Wow, people sure are desperate for ships. They ship him and his NOSE now.

Nine lives. NINE.

Firestar had 9 lives. Yet out of him, Greystripe, Sandstorm and Dustpelt, he died earliest.

Logic: Nine lives mean there are nine spirits inside the leader (RE, again.). The spirits fight each other and kill each other. When the oldest spirit dies, the leader loses a life. Then, the next oldest comes into power. The leader takes on the personality of the spirit in power. The problem? They fight every moment of the day.

**K, k, I've tortured you enough. I'm done now, guys. **

**QOTC: Do you know anyone who doesn't hate Clear Sky/Skystar? I'm only reading The Sun Trail and wow, hatehatehatehateHATE. **

**Anyways, look out for self control! Will be done by 2020! **

**P.S. Guys, you are now allowed to rip up my Chinese notebook. If you can find it.**

**(Mountainshine: :DDDDDD)**

**Ok, anyone but Mountainshine.**


	24. where did the elephant go

**Hello! I'm back and alive. First things first (imma say all the words inside my head), REQUEST POLICY. **

**Rules: No lemon/smut! I will block and scream at whoever requests it. Ships are allowed, but if they're not SARW (this fic) canon they most likely will be posted elsewhere and I'll take ages to produce them. Same for seriousfics, but they won't take a month (sorry!). SARW stuff will be posted here. Those will take less time.**

**Replies?**

**Spongekit36: (clear sky falls off a cliff) Yay, AVoS! I gave up halfway. Through Thunder and Shadow. Let's read The Sun Trail in the hole while pushing all Clear Skys off the cliff!**

**Duskspiral: Let me retrieve my fact file about Sunset… was it that boring? YOU FINALLY MADE AN ACCOUNT YEEEEEEE**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: …..Spongekit36 was right. And why does everyone like Gray Wing? I mean, I do, but wow everyone seems to love him.**

**Mountainshine: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? soinkkkkkkk! *cries in a hole* Btw here's the popcorn. *gives* (as I was typing I wrote gin beves) And you basically just exposed our school and grade to everyone XDDDDDDDD but never mind. P.S. It was in my locker. There was no Chinese class today!**

**NOTE: I DO NOT OWN THE CHINESE PASSAGE "****岳飛之少年時代 ****(The Youth of Yue Fei)". NOR DO I COMPLETELY OWN "****惡搞岳飛之少年時代 ****(****Spoofing The Youth Of Yue Fei)". IF YOU WANT A COPY OF EITHER, LOOK THE FORMER UP ONLINE AND THE LATTER I MAY SHOW YOU ONE DAY IF MY COLLAB FRIEND (IRL BFF) LETS ME. THANK YOU! :DDDDDDD**

**Anyways, where were we? Ah, yes, at the boom…**

Chapter 24: I wonder if we have to bring our own stuff to fry for the BBQ.

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

**This one seems louder?**

Ashfur jumped out of his pelt. "Is Ivystorm trying to blow us all up?!"

Ivystorm beamed serenely at the elephant on the roof of the chatroom. "This chatroom was built on top of Yue Fei— I mean Chang Fail's house. Everyone knows an elephant stepped on it when he was born."

Ashfur looked confuzzled because he was uncultured and because "Spoofing The Youth Of Yue Fei" had only been shown to 11 people on Planet Earth.

Aspenfoot, being the idiot he was, had accidentally misinterpreted a prophecy, "Fall in love with Rock or the ash shall dissolve in the sun-drown-place," as to literally going to find a rock to love. (In StarClan, Bluestar ripped out tufts of her fur in frustration while Yellowfang fell out of a rowing machine laughing. It had all been a prank. Ash...fur is insoluble in water.)

He was whispering to a cute white non-ghost rock while Brackenfur snapped photos and posted them on the chatroom.

**SlimeLover33: lmao cute rock**

**WriterOnSugarHigh: GET OUT THERE'S AN ELEPHANT ON THE ROOF Oh and that was MY rock.**

**SlimeLover33: MY SLIME WILL FIGHT IT OFF! wait… what's an elephant?**

**WriterOnSugarHigh: *sigh***

The elephant was extremely confused. It had been stuck on two roofs already. And it was apparently immortal. (Yue Fei lived 900 years ago. And so did Chang Fail.)

Ashfur was mad. The donut plan had failed. Aspenfoot was who-knows-where. Probably at some ShareTea. And Ivystorm was alive. Still.

He whipped out his gas lighter. He took a deep breath. "INTO THE UN-_**KNOWN**_!" he squealed. (Extremely high note on known.) Wait. Whatttttt? No, no, no, no, no! "I HATE YOU, IVYSTORM!"

He rushed at her iPad. He picked it up… tossed it… it flew over the elephant's head… flew over Aspenfoot… flew over baby white non-ghost rock… flewwwwwwww… higher and higher….. up, up, and away…

**AD BREAK!**

**DO YOU LOVE BEAUTIFULLY HEALTHY TRANSLATIONS? SURE, GO DOWNLOAD GOOGLE TRANSLATE RIGHT NOW! LOOK AT THIS!**

**INPUT: Ivystorm likes popcorn.**

**OUTPUT: Ivy rain loves bananas.**

**LOOK! POPCORN BECAME BANANAS! WOW! HOW AWESOME IT IS!**

The iPad fell down. Into the void. Where it shattered…

Ivystorm shrieked in horror. "MY IPAD! WHAT WILL I TELL MY READERS NOW?"

Ashfur grinned. "I've got you covered. Look here!"

He motioned to… "Dear readers, I quit. I hate my writing, I hate my life, and I (censored) HATE WARRIORS!"

"Wait, WHAT?! But…"

Ashfur grinned. "You've lost, sweetie. Join the Flames."

Ivystorm glared at him.

"One word can destroy you."

_Delete._

**YAY! THIS IS DONE! YAYYYYYY! THIS STORY ARC IS DONE! **


	25. stuff off the top of my head

**我十分無聊。是實在太無聊。**

**So…**

**Replies?!**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Nor do I! Still can't wait to be done haha KD**

**RobinLudgate: Thanks! Oh, and YASSSS BELIEVER AMAZING :D is just ****：****D. Weird. And actually I fell outta a rowing machine that very day. Ow.**

**Mountainshine: HOW DARE U NOT REVIEW FROARRRRRRRRR**

Yeah, ok. I had popcorn at the picnic. (me: sitting on a bench) (mountainshine: die)

(me now: on a bus and too lazy to type)

I can't think of anything to write.

I WANT S'MORES! (we had bbq just now nom)

(mountainshine: updates in 10 minutes)

What I was doing when I had free time, not in order

eating popcorn

sleeping

drinking lemon soda NOM

reading mountainshine's fic

raging because there was no wifi

eating s'mores

lighting fires

typing the first two lines of this

watching people do stuff

do stuff like feeding goats

screaming [name of friend] x scourge!

not doing anything

pretending to be chill while accidentally spraying soda into my eye (ow)

thinking about self control the fic

thinking about self control the thing

playing with leaves

getting spammed

trying to find [name of friend]

sending mountainshine pics of my popcorn

trying to stay away from my teachers

taking photos of peacocks

getting my shoe pecked at by a black swan

taking photos of a goat who looked like a llama with black hair and a streak of gold in the middle

bullying a goat by throwing carrots instead of feeding it

drinking an old soda (old as in popular in the '70s, not out of date) which tasted like mouthwash

walking around

seeing 3 cats (black, brown with white nose, brown tabby, or were those ladt two the same cat?)

asking people why they were playing catch on the rope course

telling various people that i am scared of heights

climbing halfway up the rope course and going down immediately

taking photos of my friends attempting horrifying moves on the rope course

taking videos of my friends climbing somewhere they shouldn't be climbing

going on quora

burning sausages

watching my marshmallows catch fire and burn into a lump of coal

eating the burnt food

trying to eat the carrots used to feed goats and seeing a cockroach on it

almost getting mauled by a goat

trying to feed "wild" boar and seeing the sign prohibiting it too late

getting tackled by my friends

getting killed by the friend i shipped with scourge

getting mistaken for lost and not actually being lost

playing on my phone

watching a movie where there was a statue that didn't move until the climax

realising that it was a literal statue and not a movie

listening to music

questioning my life decisions

killing my imaginary friend nick (aka aspenfoot lol)

realizing that i am possibly being very stupid

getting covered in coal dust.

That took me half an hour and I'm still bored. And still on the bus. (WHY)

i'm a line break

K, now I'm at home. (5:25 pm.)

So now what?

I'm uninspred!

I'll go and make a few Christmas cards. I'LL BE BACK! *truck crashes into reviewers*

i'm a line break

Me at random fanfic generator: *gets the cake is a lie*

Me: !

i'm a line break

Me (reading Forest Of Secrets):

Yellowfang (indirect quote): Yah I can only put up with Cinderpaw so she's my apprentice now, sucks to be you Fireheart lolololol

Mountainshine: *jealousy*

i'm a line break

Erins: Bad things will happen if you get into A FORBIDDEN ROMANCE.

*powerpoint switches to pics of the rejected by everyone Leafpool, BROKENSTAR, a very dead Silverstream, a very dead Mosskit :(*

SlimeLover33: I'll just have a normal romance then :3

Erins: *proceed to kill his whole family*

Me nomming popcorn (I paid for it. It's MINE): And you said Ashfur, I MEAN ASHIELOCKS, was a cold-hearted killer?!

i'm a line break

(Why is it 8:09 pm already?)

I'm still bored, so here's some trivia about me.

I love Chinese, so my Chinese notebook is my favourite notebook. Which is also why everyone wants to destroy it. Unfortunately, it's full, and part 2 only has one sentence in it. "18th December, 2019".

I'm very afraid of heights, but everyone knew that already.

I have a second account (not Aurousmoon). I forgot the password and that's why I made this one. Its name was my gmail address so I can't tell you lot. I have already deleted the address, though :D

(unpopular opinions ahead, Hunger Games) I don't ship Katniss with _anyone_. I hate both Peeta and Gale, but I like Gale a bit more. Doesn't mean I ship him with Katniss, though.

I actually love writing seriousfics, but all of mine are mousedung. Fine, some.

I don't have OCs. Fine, I have some, but they're actually all just people I know. None of them are from scratch. (Mintfeather was…? No, wait, she wasn't really.) And none of them are really fixed in rank, age or anything. They're just personalities, though Ivystorm has a bit of backstory which was made up at 3 am one day and is pretty bad.

Ivystorm would be a med. cat but she's just a normal warrior here.

I speak three languages, but that's nothing compared to some people.

I'm younger than you expected. :)

i'm a line break

This is 4:53 pm on the next day Ivystorm. And because I love formatting…

Chapter Twenty-five: Nothing in particular just bored

i'm a line break

Thanks for 89 reviews! :D I need a life XD Someone guess my age! (Mountainshine: I KNOW! YOU'RE-)

Cya, I'm outta here for now. Bye, and until the next chapter!


	26. im alive and well

**People are blaring Into The Unknown ONE HOUR LOOP. I'm annoyed. Oh, and did I mention I just found out my best friend is a fake friend? Everyone's doing something for the mini bazaar where kids storm in and maul us, and I'm like "haha typing fanfic" AND NO ONE PLAYS SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE WHAT THE— **

**calm down.**

**Replying:**

**Guest, I missed your review first time, so hi! I'm feeling guilty now, please don't be so nice.**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: Good! I hate both of them XD**

**Spongekit36: My bus ride from home to school takes 5 minutes. That was the picnic bus ride from THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE to school XD Sure, the more the merrier! *hole gets full* I don't plan anything. Ha. Ha. I don't judge music! Yay! Wow, don't slander Finnick! DON'T YOU DARE! My friends are….. Mountainshine. You can judge for yourself. And other people. I love writing and purple :D If I cry, I'll be impressed. I never cry at books!**

**RobinLudgate: Bye, I'll miss you! **

**Gimmepopcorn/ Mountainshine: HOW DARE YOU GUESS MY AGE RIGHT?! Nah, if I were 17 I'd be studying for my DSEs and not writing this. My notebook… she snuck in at lunch (now) and I caught her. My notebook, by the way, is at home and will be for the rest of the month. LAST DAY OF SCHOOL IS TOMORROW AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Regarding my age…. I'm not evil, you have to be 13 or above to be here, I believe?**

**Anyone up for utter madness?**

Chapter Twenty-Six: UTTER MADNESS

Ivystorm was eating banana popcorn from the fourth stall. Everyone else on Earth was doing something and not stuffing their faces like her.

Example:

Ashfur was burning down the chatroom.

Aspenfoot was hugging a rock and chewing on tapioxas. (Ok, so maybe that counts as stuffing his face.)

Yellowfang was rowing.

Then for some strange reason, flowers started running. The race of the perishing flowers began.

Oh, and they were all singing some random apparently popular horrible song. Then they all started voting.

Yellowfang fell down to play with the flowers like she did on the cover of Yellowfang's Secret in Chinese. The flowers voted to kill her.

Meanwhile, Ivystorm looked at her blazing popcorn. She glared at Ashfur. Then she glared at her iPad and someone who was not her typing on it.

The someone was Mintpaw. "_Make sure they don't draw unrelated stuff,"_ she whispered. And then she poofed away.

Ivystorm screamed and froared at air. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU DEAD YET? NO! ARE YOU OLDER THAN ME? NO, UNLESS I'M TWO YEARS OLD! AND YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO?!"

Everyone walked out of the chatroom. Except for Floor/Firestar, who was watching Conan.

**Humanities Symposium: Are there any questions from the floor?**

Nobody cared.

Then the floor (the real one, not Conan-watcher or audience) started to shake.

The elephant had reappeared.

And they, aka the flowers, were drawing lots. "Hey, why are none of these related to you guys? Why are they all… bits of paper that say 'CLEAR SKY MUST DIE'?!" asked Mintpaw. "I mean it's not like I like him or anything, but I told Ivystorm to…?! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I hear my name?" Ivystorm mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.

Then Mountainshine posted and Ivystorm ran to read it.

Mintpaw, meanwhile, was annoyed.

And Aspenfoot was still hugging his rock and boba tea and apparently Dewlight too, for absolutely no reason! (Dewlight was pretty much squashed.)

Mountainshine was putting out the fire and eating popcorn.

All was insane, all was right.

**Some Things Never Change is playing. Me: DON'T CHANGE THE SONG.**

**And the mini bazaar is over, which means that no more kids are trespassing in our classroom.**

**SPECIAL OFFER! ONLY AVAILABLE FOR REVIEWERS OF THIS CHAPTER! **

_**You can ask me any question and I have to answer truthfully.**_

**Rules: Nothing M-rated, no "when is your birthday", no "how old are you", no "where do you live", no stalkers. Anything else is ok!**

**Yay, bai guys! :D**


	27. DO NOT RUN

**Me on the last day of school and having an hour off and hearing music aka last Christmas : zzzzzzz OH MOUNTAINSHINE REVIEWED I'D BETTER WORK**

**Replies:**

**Mountainshine: Does there seem to be class today? No. No, there isn't. Where do my books go when there's no class? At home! LoGiC! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: I have no idea. Basically most of the songs people like I hate, so…. (I was actually talking about the song playing in the background and everyone else was singing along. The flowers are the popular kids XD)**

**I don't HAVE pets. I had pets. Turtles. When I was eight. Chocolate and Marshmallow because I liked food and one was dark and the other light. (But the light one's shell darkened. OOOOF.) They fought a lot and one (I think Chocolate) got half- blinded (or maybe he was always blind but I doubt that.) and then the half-blind one couldn't find food and starved. D: And then the other one died anyways. :(**

**RobinLudgate: YAY WIFI! I'll be on a trip tomorrow too. I'm very tired of it. Aaaaaand banana popcorn may NOT be a real thing. But bacon-candycanes? Ewwwwwwwww! Answer: Um, if you mean Warriors book, Crowfeather's Trial. If not, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.**

**Anyways, I still can't think of any content, so enjoy these 1000 words of Warriors-related-randomness!**

Chapter Twenty-Seven: More memes

thunderclan med cats: (created by me and mountainshine :D)

SASSY:

Yellowfang

Jayfeather

Goosefeather

Cinderpelt

NICE:

Leafpool!

Spottedleaf

Alderheart (mousefur: *farts*)

Featherwhisker

i'm a line break

Stereotypes in Warriors

Kits:

Y I CAN'T GO OUT?

(at 4 am) I wanna play clan leader/badger-killing/WINDCLAN IS ATTACKING/mossball! (the enemy is usually an unsuspecting elder)

I'll be the best warrior ever in all the clans!

Apprentices:

I WANNA BE A WARRIOR NOW! NOW! NOWWWWWW! I WANNA FIGHT!

We all playfight and have the mentality of 7-year-old Twolegs!

annoying obnoxious know-it-alls (esp. arc 2)

Warriors:

dawn patrol, hunt, eat, train apprentices, eat again, patrol, sleep, repeat.

BACKGROUNDIES

Med. cats:

FORBIDDEN LOVE OK I AM DONE

Elders:

IVYPAW WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS WET BEDDING!?

And then the leader of TigerClan pounced on the snake and yelled… "DIE SNAKE DIE!"

i'm a line break

When the teacher says "bring a book for silent reading"

YET FANFICTION IS NOT ALLOWED

me: ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)

did that even show up?

i'm a line break

me in assembly: zzzzzz

assembly: ...second birth!

me: *instantly awake* CINDERPELT

also me in assembly: *thinking about random warriors stuff AND NOT ASSEMBLY*

me on my chinese notebook: *warriors warriors warriors oh 活的一課 and oh 岳飛 WARRIORS WARRIORS MEMES I LOVE LEAFPOOL*

i'm a line break

HOW I GET INSPIRATION

me reading "cookiestar's accidentally saying yes to a stranger": *sees the fresh kill PIE*

me: oh woooooooooow that would be fun to write about!

two weeks later: aha I have a plot line

two more weeks later: *writes*

weird stuff:

Aspen x Ash was never planned. Nothing was ever planned, but that surprised even me. I had zero idea they would fall in love.

I keep forgetting about A LOT OF STUFF.

Case in point: DEWLIGHT MY CUTE SECOND OC WAS APPARENTLY MEANT TO _LIKE_ ASPENFOOT OH SHOOT (this was my literal brain one day)

One day, I was so literally bored and tired that I threw fire into the mix and now look what happened!

i'm a line break

Ashfur looked at his mouse in dismay.

"This is so disgusting! JUST LOOKING AT THIS PIECE OF FOXDUNG MAKES ME GET CUT OPEN AND THEN I BLEED ON THE ROCKS BECAUSE OH MY STARCLAN THIS IS WORSE THAN ALM MY EXES LIKE SQUIRRELFLIGHT!"

From behind a tree, Ivystorm thought, "How did he know there was a razor blade in it?"

i'm a line break

the day I got crowfeather as my secret santa master

me: THIS IS GONNA BE FUNNNNNN. *ribs hands together*

the next day…

crowfeather: *looks at paper that says "DO NOT RUN! TAKE YOUR TIME OR YOU'LL GET HURT."* is this some sick joke?!

(real story: i put that paper into my runner friend's locker.)

**My phone battery is at 22% and I am sad. I am also going on holiday till the 27th! Updates will be lessened. Self control is almost done but the ending is… *looks at ending* …**

**BAI GUYS LOL CYA**


	28. me at the airport

**Me: *trying to get to 100 reviews* **

**Also me: *has 99 reviews***

**Σ(****￣ロ￣****lll) Σ(****￣ロ￣****lll) Σ(****￣ロ￣****lll)**

**Reply (at this point there is only one):**

**DappledleafTheBootiful: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?**

**I'm trying to write a successful self control for the third rewrite.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**And trying not to miss my flight.**

**Merry Christmas, by the way! And sleep well…? I dunno. Do you people have LOST? (Like the escape from a room game.) I've played it and so have four of my best friends. (me and my amazing team of three of those friends: *fails miserably*.**

**other friend and her team of people: *succeeds*)**

**Anyways, I still have no idea what to write! So enjoy this insane analysis and headcanon chapter!**

**(me: in airport)**

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Ivystorm putting all her (yes, I am a her) weirdest thoughts together in first person for once aka how she talks IRL

Autocorrect says that WindClan is stupid. Well, not mine. I don't have one. (How on earth do I manage that? I have no idea.) Mountainshine's does. If I did have one, though, it would say "abrasive WindClan" or "annoying WindClan" or "extremely liable to rage WindClan".

Crowfeather would karatechop me. He probably would have the highest level, whatever belt it's called. (Stupid me alert!)

_Ivystorm was mauled._

But speaking of him, remember Featherpaw from CFT? She, according to your friendly neighbourhood Warriors fan Kristin Skogrotina (look her/me up, it's my Quora name) is some random reincarnation of Feathertail. (Poor Crowfather.) Oh, and she had a warrior name and mate and kits and all that (according to the wiki. When in doubt, check the wiki.), but NO ONE CARED.

_Featherpaw gave Ivystorm a glare. "I'm not some insane dead idot!"_

(Wait, Oatclaw was Oatpaw? Like that one? The one I only noticed last month?)

And really, did anyone notice Harestar before he became Harestar?! I didn't. I still don't remember his warrior name. (Harespring? Hareleap? Harejump? Harehop? Hare跳?) But it's not like I remember my RE teacher's name, sooooo… Mountainshine? ANY IDEA?

_Harestar: MY NAME WAS HARESPRING! (me after warriors wikiing)_

_Ivystorm: THEN WHAT'S MY RE TEACHER'S NAME?! I NEED TO EMAIL HER! (truth!) BY THE END OF THE HOLIDAY! *hyperventilates*_

Ok, Mountainshine will run if I keep WindClanning, so on to StarClan!

In StarClan, all the kits play clan leader together. Mistkit wants to be a medicine cat. And Grandad Sunstar tells them all stories nightly.

_Sunstar: Once upon a time, there were six Clans in the forest…_

_Ivystorm: Shh, they're not meant to know! This is going to be shown to everyone!_

_Sunstar: *confused grandad noises*_

_Ivystorm: *angry Ivystorm noises* STUPID FLIGHT GOT DELAYED AGAIN?! Oh, false alarm. _

Oh and...

_Mistkit: I want to be a med. cat!_

_Badgerfang: I want to be the best warrior ever!_

_Mosskit: I want to be… *drumroll please* AN APPLE!_

_(cookies to whoever gets the joke…? Mountainshine please get this joke I beg you.)_

**At 00:25 am… **

**flight: *changes from gate 31 to 521***

**Me: wait wut**

**Welp, it's 00:38 now and I'm at gate 521! :D (extremely sleep-deprived smile.) Bye, I needa sleep and maybe update now?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey.**

**It's Sunday.**

**How long has it been since I last updated?**

**I don't remember. **

**Did I ever publish Chapter 29? **

**I don't think so.**

**Mountainshine asked me when I'm going to update. I didn't know. I said something very vague. Then she changed the subject to the apple joke.**

**So when am I going to update? **

**Today I'm going to post this, at least.**

**Why haven't I been updating?**

**Well, first off, not because of mm i wanna die. And not because of self control.**

**Glad I made that clear. **

**Self control is done. I might post it, but probably not. **

**It makes me cringe. All three versions made me cringe.**

**Mm I wanna die… yeah, you know what? I don't care. Or maybe I do, but I'm not going to show it.**

**Being stoic is hard.**

**Not crying is hard.**

**Not failing school is hard too, but not in the same way. **

**I'm mostly doing math these days. Math is not fanfic-friendly.**

**Nor is getting your phone confiscated.**

**I'm still Ivystorm, though. Still pretty much as random as usual.**

**I'm not going through any hard times at all. I don't have reason to be sad, or unmotivated, you know?**

**But I'm still unmotivated.**

**My creativity's at the lowest level. The most creative thing I did yesterday was draw a creepy rabbit.**

**Oh, and write a ridiculous, unfunny transcript of what my friend and I did in form period. For the record, it did not include making flowers for charity, which was what we were meant to be doing.**

**I'm probably not as looking forward to life as I was. I'm literally only looking forward to Friday, also known as rant to Mountainshine for two hours day. **

**Ha ha, very funny.**

**It's not like I'm depressed or anything. I said so already. I don't have any reason to be depressed. **

**I'm just unmotivated.**

**Don't feel sorry for me. Don't tell me you know how it feels.**

**I know all that already.**

**The best you, and me, and everyone else can do is to wait. Wait, and hope for the best. **

**Hope for the day I think of an amazing, ground-breaking idea.**

**Who knows? Maybe I will.**

**And no, this is not Ashfur speaking. It's Ivystorm. Just in case anyone misunderstood. And because if I didn't put this line, one of you would review that.**

**On the bright side, a particular friend of mine has finished The New Prophecy. I'm pretty happy for her. I mean, the more she reads, the more I rant.**

**On the brighter side, since I'm trying to be optimistic, I now have more than 100 reviews. In fact, I think KrazyKube was my 100th, so thank you very, very much. Thanks to all the rest of you too. You people are absolutely amazing. Every single one of you. **

**But really. I loved writing about Ashfur and the gang. I loved the whole process. I never really wanted to end it, but I couldn't make it never-ending. It was meant to be a one-shot. Then it turned into a two-shot, and then a million-shot. Which made some bits of it really weird.**

**The chatroom, in particular, was never meant to be a plot device. I was just planning to make some totally wacky conversations. **

**And frankly speaking, I was pretty disappointed in myself when the I made Ashfur arc go on and on and on. I actually wanted to make some rants, some ship stories (that was before self control). Actually, I wanted to make a little on-going arc called "In Defence Of". I was actually going to do Nightcloud defending essays and maybe Dovewing defense because she's cool and I don't get why there's so much hate for her. Same for cats like… I dunno, Breezepelt? He's OK. Used to hate him, but then Crowfeather's Trial happened. **

**I'm still unmotivated to do this, though. I can't really think of anything to write about. I'm even literally avoiding fanfics like the plague. Dunno why, though. Maybe they make me feel guilty about myself? People write awesome, emotional, descriptive stuff, and I'm not even on their StarClan-forsaken level. I can't write a single sentence without it sounding too dramatic or too plain or too stupid or too long. **

**To be honest? I feel like I'm making excuses for myself at this point. And I know someone will try and encourage me in the reviews because that's what people do. Or maybe they won't.**

**I really hope they won't.**

**I know these are all heaps of foxdung that I call explanations. I feel stupid for that. I feel like I'm lowkey begging for attention. I'm not trying to.**

**But I still feel stupid.**

**And oops. I forgot. Um… for those of you who were hoping for a real chapter… sorry. **

**But because I'm such a stickler for formatting…**

Chapter Twenty-Nine: the storm of ivy

**Well. Nice title. **

**If you ever want to contact me, use PM. Or maybe look for me on Quora. Just search for people who know about Warriors and you'll find me. If you feel like you know what school I'm from, try and find me.**

**If you're Mountainshine, I see you every week anyway and you have my phone number.**

**What do I say now? **

**Adieu? **

**It's not even farewell time. I'm not deleting my account. I'm not dying. **

**And I don't execute flawless swoons.**

**TTFN, Ta-ta for now?**

**That's too casual. I've known you people for ages. **

**Bai?**

**Well, you aren't Mountainshine or anyone who goes offline with notice.**

**Cya?**

**That's copyrighted. I think.**

**GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH?**

**You don't look like Hawkfrost to me.**

**So… **

**I'll be back.**

**:D**

***trucks***


	30. XC

**Hello and welcome to TE (actually caps-lock isn't really my thing anymore) Te UlTiMaTe FiNaLe. **

**First off, an extra special thank you to Duskspiral for inspiring me to write this chapter. Yeh.**

**My task today is… write 300 words on an actual finale and maybe something special at the end. For the record, it will in no way be self control.**

Chapter Thirty: Finale, can't mess this one up

Ashfur, sitting in the first row of the chatroom, raised his gas lighter.

"Yes, Ashfur? The formal chat hasn't even started yet, so why would you even have a question?" asked Ivystorm.

"Is the complimentary gift a GasLighter-2000000? And can I have a pie?"

"No and yes… wait, no, because Crookedstar _kindly_ turned down the invitation to come. Let the talk commence."

Sweet But Psycho blared overhead.

"That means shut up, Ferncloud. Anyways, as I was saying, I have called you here today to tell you idiots-"

A pawful of popcorn shot up. "POINT,"

"Great StarClan, this isn't debate! Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that lollipops will be offered in StarClan from now on, fish pie in every single clan, one cat named Smokefoot and one cat named Ivytail will be chosen from each clan and sent to an arena to fight to the death- YES, ASPENFOOT?"

"Well, in the month where I went on a diet and cut down on boba tea, I realized that that little tapioxa in the tea remind me of those small toads' eggs and the tea looked like the muddy pond water you use to filter..."

"You sound like the science teacher."

Suddenly, Ivystorm smelled the unmistakable scent of…

Could it be?

It was…

"FIREEEEEEEEE EVACUATE THE ROOM GET OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT"

Leafpool gave her a funny look.

Everyone gave her a funny look.

"Uh…, wait…."

Ivystorm looked around.

There was no chatroom in sight.

No popcorn.

No gas lighter.

No toads' eggs in muddy pond water- what am I talking about.

Nothing except…

A slip of paper.

"We regret to tell you that you have done too much harm to the forest. Get out. NOW."

Ivystorm looked back.

No trace of anyone, anything.

Not her friends, not her enemies, not even a single tapioxa.

Nothing.

No one.

_I've done too much… time to go…_

_Goodbye._

**And that was how it wasn't even 300 words.**

**So what is the extra?**

**THANK YOUS.**

_**Spongekit36/KT-FeatherSage**_**: First reviewer ever… that means a lot XD I wonder if you still like this fanfic? Maybe, maybe not… I really like your fics, though. :)**

_**Lionstorm and Friends**_**: Yay! I'm not sure if you're still active, though… Don't think I ever really used your OC… no, wait, mentioned like once. Oop-**

_**Rift Between Worlds/Starkpuffin: **_**Oop, long time no see! Ashfur being blonde is my favourite spoof headcanon!**

_**Londonvetgirl25**_**: *fails to mock* Oh well. :P**

_**DappledleafTheBootiful**_**: XD I'm still trying to read DOTC, wish me luck! Currently I still want to yeet Clear Sky off two cliffs at once but oh well. You must read CFT! KD Abd how did you get the apple joke?**

_**Watermist of Windclan**_**: Eh, hi… I'm failing math. I might just need a tutor :P**

_**Tigercry: **_**Your reviews make my day XD Actually welp just thanks for all the help, from me and Aurous :DDDDDD Wishing you luck!**

_**RobinLudgate: **_**One word: sociopath. Ok, fine, no, but you should totally make an account. *belts out Some Things Never Change***

_**Duskspiral**_**: THE BEST INSPIRATIONAL HUMAN EVER :D**

_**Azrakatz: **_**You were, in fact, the first person to write a fanfic so good that I was desperate to review it. So *throws confetti at Azra***

_**mm i wanna die: **_**Oooop, the expert at constructive criticism! I really enjoyed reading every single super long paragraph and think of amazingly interesting words to reply. ;P *gnaws at pencil* Yes, I used to do that,**

_**FuturisticVampire**_**: ehhh YEET BABY SHARK DOO DOO DOO DOO ok imma head out now…**

_**Emrey**_**: YuP iM gReAt (But you're greater)**

_**GuEsT**_**: aiiiiiiiiiyahhhhhhhh my headache oh freaking starclan (did you want a spoof or a real fic? just asking) But in all seriousness, XD Firecinder is now somewhat of an inside joke.**

_**addaleecunningham**_**: Yup, Aspen x Ash. I love that ship nowadays. Aspen now is just a huge weirdo instead of a cute goofball… actually he's a bit of both.**

_**Mountainshine**_**: I HAVE YOUR POPCORN. By the way, caramel totally goes on pancakes.**

_**KrazyKube**_**: B-b-but what is MLG? Do you mean MLP? (uh, no you obviously didn't)**

**MEH.**

**Imma use a weird signout,**

**Ivystorm**

_**oooh that should be my real signout XD**_

_**Weird poll: Does anyone know the signout "From the stars"? If you do woah, I salute you.**_

_**Did I miss anyone?**_


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